


Everything's Relative

by Iwouldwrite1000fics



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwouldwrite1000fics/pseuds/Iwouldwrite1000fics
Summary: Jim Kirk leaves the nexus to discover that the universe, two universes in fact, have moved on without him.
Relationships: James T. Kirk Prime/Spock Prime
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this story completely ran away on me. It started out as just a simple Kirk Prime in the nu!universe and just kept going. So, it has everything: a fluffy Kirk Prime/Spock Prime relationship, action/adventure, angst, some minor character death, and male pregnancy in later chapters.

When he had been given orders to seek out new life and new civilizations, a giant pink lightening bolt in space was really not what James Tiberius Kirk had in mind.

“Spock, what the hell is that thing?!”

“Unknown, Captain. The best I can summarize is it is an energy ribbon in temporal flux that is causing extreme gravimetric distortions; and we are currently trapped by them.”

“Wonderful! Any suggestions on getting out of here before it rips the ship in half?!”

“Hull integrity at eighty percent and dropping, captain!” Chekov announced.

“An anti-matter discharge directly ahead should disrupt the field long enough for us to escape.”

“You heard him! Sulu, fire photon torpedoes point-blank range!”

***

As he sat in the cabin resigned to the hell he had been sent to he suddenly felt a change come over…wherever he is that he had never felt before. The cabin shook violently, and he ran to the window to see that the wind was blowing fiercely, and that the leaves on the trees had changed colour at long last. He let out a shout of joy and ran outside, letting the chaos swirl around him. He could feel it, it was breaking apart. He was finally going…

Home?

Jim blinked and looked around, confused, because the last time he checked home did not look like a cargo bay. He pinched himself and knew he was indeed free of that prison because it hurt. One never felt physical pain in that place. 

He began rummaging through the bins trying to determine just what was going on. He found several spare uniforms, indicating that he was on a Starfleet ship of some sort, but they were the older style. The solid blue, red, and yellow shirts from his days as a young captain, how could that be? 

He found a shirt that fit and, changing into it, he went out to investigate further. Even with the proper uniform on Jim knew immediately that he stuck out like a sore thumb. Nearly every crew-member he passed by was under thirty, why was this ship being run by children? As he continued his explorations though he became aware of another, deeper, problem; it was familiar, too familiar, and he knew before long that it was she. He didn’t need to see the registration number or hear her name, he knew, this was the Enterprise. The colours were different and the layout wasn’t quite the same, but there was no doubt in his mind that this was her.

He turned a corner and stopped dead in shock at the sight before him, that gave him his last bit of confirmation. It had never been difficult to recognize those pointed ears, even at a distance. Jim let himself smile for the first time in eons and felt compelled to run over and take him into his arms, damn the universe breaking consequences that would no doubt result from such an action. Jim didn’t get a chance to act on those impulsive feelings though because a boy stepped out of the turbolift behind Spock and engaged him in conversation. Time travel, he had known that because Spock was so much younger than he had ever been when Jim had known him. Still this was different from anything Jim had ever experienced before. He could exist with a younger version of himself in the same space, and not only that, but at this age Spock was supposed to be under the command of Captain Pike; and he was supposed to be on the Farragut, why was he already a captain? As Jim continued to watch and saw his younger self with the uniform practically hanging off him he suddenly had a strong urge to visit the gym. The two boys walked past him, probably off to play chess, he thought and he looked wistfully at the two. They were not bonded yet, but Jim could see the potential already. He promised himself he would find a way to get back home to his Spock and show him how much he loved him; and had missed him.

***

After two days of gathering information any way he could he discovered that he was not in the past, but in a different universe entirely, the computer records showed events he knew had never happened in his time. This fact was further confirmed when he looked into those eyes of his younger self, as he made a video announcement, to see that they were bright blue.

He remembered what Scotty said the last time this had happened. The field density between the two universes had been crucial, hours were all that they had then and Jim had been trapped for days. The window had past and he can never go home. Not even if he had a hundred years to do so. 

Jim spent the next several hours in the cargo bay, on his make-shift bed, hiding from the world. He was trapped he would never be able to get home. He would never see any of them again. There was nothing for him here. No future, no friends, no family. As he continued sitting there an icy feeling filled him with the thought that there was nothing for him there anymore anyway. How much time had really past while he had been trapped? It was impossible to know. What if they were all long dead?

Eventually the tears dried and that old fire of determination flared up in him again. He clenched his fists and steeled himself. It wasn’t all bad he told himself. At least he was around real people again. Instead of being stuck in a place that seemed to be paradise until you knew it wasn’t real. Heck he was aboard the Enterprise again, back when she was new, and it wasn’t being run by a version of him bent on killing everything he came into contact with. He could fit in. He was going to make this work. He would need to take up that workout routine, he would need to make a new identity somehow, but he was going to live again he promised himself that.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim scowled and wiped more water off his face. They were on a mission to make a planet play nice with New Vulcan, Jim wasn’t sure he would ever adjust to the original being gone, and Jim hated it. The natives were being deliberately slow about the negotiations and leaving the landing party outside in the elements. It wasn’t safe. Jim looked at the cliff near his young captain, he wasn’t safe!

“Watch out!”

Jim ran over and shoved his young counter-part out of the way, just as the wall of mud and rock he had been standing under gave way under the pounding rain. The momentum sent them rolling down a small hill and into a large puddle with a spectacular splash.

“Captain!”

Spock quickly followed them down the incline and helped James up.

“Are you all right?”

“Besides being filthy and looking like a drowned rat, yeah I’m fine.”

James looked at him as he stood up and for a moment Jim was sure the young man knew who he was, but thankfully covered in mud and who knew what else it seemed he was unrecognizable.

“Thanks, lieutenant uh…lieutenant…what is your name?”

“William Bell.” Where the hell he got that name from he didn’t know, but it seemed to work.

“Good work.”

“Thank you, sir.”

***

After nearly killing the captain of the new Federation flagship the natives were much more cooperative about dealing with their new planetary neighbours on New Vulcan. Negotiations for supply lines were underway, and half of the landing party stayed behind to help; along with Doctor McCoy who had remained to continue minor treatments of a virus that had been working its way through the population in a show of good faith.

Cleaned up and dry James was now holed up in his quarters filling out reports on the event, figuring that the sooner he got them out of the way the sooner he could move to fun activities.

He looked up from his computer when the door buzzed.

“It’s open!”

The door slid open and his first officer came in to the room. 

“Spock, what brings you here?”

“I am here to discuss lieutenant Bell.”

James sighed. “Spock, if you’re going to quote regulations at me don’t bother. He saved my life I’m not disciplining him for that.”

“If I were to quote regulations, Captain, they would not apply to Mr. Bell in any case. He is not a member of Starfleet. No one has any records of him at all as far as my research can tell.”

“Spock, what are you saying?”

“He is an intruder, Captain, according to the computer he has been in an unoccupied cabin for the last three weeks.”

James couldn’t believe that. An intruder on his ship and no one had noticed a thing. He was an older man why would they, whoever they were, send him to the Enterprise? And how had his crew not suspected anything? A highly trained spy for someone he had to be; and yet he had saved him on the planet at great risk to himself, so why was he here?

“Well let’s find out what he wants, but let’s try not to alarm the crew.”

They made their way quickly to the proper cabin and stepped into the room. Jim smoothed down his shirt and smiled ruefully at them.

“No good deed goes unpunished, does it?”

They announced their intentions, as per regulations, stuck him in a briefing room and began the integration.

Jim sat back slightly in his chair as the Vulcan glared at him, his eyes blazing with intensity. Jim wasn’t use to seeing that. His Spock had always been composed and reserved. This Spock was like a live wire.

“How did you get on this ship?”

“I popped in out of thin air.”

“Why are you here?”

“I have no goal in mind except for living again.”

“Who has been aiding you?”

“No one.”

The captain came over at that point looked him in the eye.

“Who are you?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

“My real name is James T. Kirk.”

Jim was surprised when the boy didn’t demand to know his real name again at that answer, but instead sat back on the table, with a world weary sigh, and shifted his gaze to his first officer; who was looking between them with a critical eye.

“Upon closer inspection there are resemblances,” Spock said.

“Time travel?”

“No, Captain, although that would account for the age difference, his eye colour is not identical to yours. He must to belong to another universe.”

James let that thought float across his mind. An older him, from the other universe, just like Spock’s counterpart-hey wait a minute. If he was him, if they could both be standing in the same room and have the universe not implode on itself that meant…

“That bastard! He cheated!”

“Sir?”

“Watch him!” he ordered Spock, and quickly strode out of the room.

Jim looked at the Vulcan so many years younger than his own.

“So, do you play chess?”

***

“Uhura, contact New Vulcan. Tell them I need to have Ambassador Selek beamed up immediately.”

“Yes, sir.”

Not even an hour later James tapped his foot impatiently on the floor as the older Vulcan appeared on the transporter pad.

“What is the emergency?”

“You lied to me.”

“Vulcans cannot-”

“You’re half-Vulcan and apparently capable of half-truths.”

“May I ask to what you are referring?”

“You said you couldn’t meet him.”

“I merely implied that I could not. How do you know of this, and why has it become such an urgent concern?”

“Because your universe vomited up someone else onto my ship, weeks ago as I’ve just discovered, and the world didn’t end.”

James said nothing more and led Spock Prime towards the briefing room. Spock could only speculate as to who else could have come into this universe from his own. He could think of no one that would have been near the black hole to be sucked in accidentally, nor anyone who would have entered it deliberately. Thoroughly at a loss he entered the room, and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Jim.”

“Spock!”

James and the younger Spock looked on at the reunion. Both were told of this legendary friendship that they themselves were supposed to build somehow; being allowed to observe it now Spock noted that the relationship between them did appear to be genuine. He watched as the other James Kirk threw himself out of his chair in a rush to greet the ambassador. Still he was quite surprised to see that it was the ambassador who embraced first. The other Kirk seemed surprised too, as his eyes widened slightly, but he returned the hug enthusiastically.

How long they stood in their embrace Jim was not sure. Still the initial shock of finding someone from his own universe, and Spock of all people, began to ware off and he focused on his Vulcan friend. He was older that much was obvious, but there was an internal difference as well, he would never hug him in public like this. Jim looked him over. His eyes were the deep brown they had always been, but now they seemed so much warmer than he ever remembered; so, so open. What had his friend been through to cause all that change? 

“How long have I?”

“79 years 6 months and 3 days.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Oh, god…Spock, I’m sorry I’m so sorry.”

“I do not understand why you are apologizing for forces you cannot control.” 

“I actually let myself think I was happy there for so long and you, you were here all alone and…I’m sorry.” 

Spock didn’t loosen his hold as Jim began moving his hands over his face that now had countless more wrinkles, and running his fingers through his hair that held more grey than black.

“I am old, Jim.”

Jim stopped for a moment as he tried to find a way to tell him that he didn’t care how he looked he was still his Spock.

“So am I my…” friend, brother, it had been so long since he had been able to speak the word out loud. “T’hy’la.”

Spock junior sucked in air. They were-had bonded- so…when, how? Why?!

“Spock, what does that word mean?”

“I-I shall discuss it at a later time.”

Their older selves were hugging again as if the other would disappear on the spot if they let go.

“How long do you think we have left?”

“I would estimate 50.59 years each.”

“Not enough to account for what was lost. We will have to work extra hard then to make up for it.”

“Affirmative.”

The reunion was then cut short as the room shook.

“Captain to the bridge, what’s happening?”

“We are entering an ion storm, Force 7, Captain.”

“Can we set a course around it?”

“Sir, doctor McCoy and some of the landing party are not yet back on board and the planet will be affected as well.”

“I’ll be right there. Let’s go, Spock, you two as well.”

“Why us?”

“Well for one thing you’re wearing that uniform so you’re technically part of my crew.”

“You always did look good in red, Jim.”

“Do you think that wise, captain?” The younger Spock asked.

“I may be brash and cocky, but I’m not stupid enough to leave the two most experienced people on this ship to sit around in a briefing room during a crisis.”

“I concur, but they are us and will respond to similar stimuli. Confusion is not what we need at the moment.”

“That does present an obstacle,” older Spock agreed.

“We could go back to old ranks for easier distinction,” the older Jim proposed.

The elder Spock considered that for a moment.

“As you wish, Admiral.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“Captain?”

“Admiral!”

“It was a stupid decision, junior, stay where you are and enjoy it; trust me.”

The four men made for the turbolift and when the got on the bridge Jim whistled long and loud at the sight; ignoring the gazes of the alpha shift crew-members.

“I go away for a couple of decades and everything gets fancy.”

“Captain-”

“They have my authorization to be here, Chekov. Spock, what have we got?”

“Initial reports were correct it is a typical ion storm, violent and-” the ship shook and Spock fell against his counterpart, “unpredictable,” he finished.

“And we have to remain in position or we can’t get them aboard.”

Jim whispered in the captain’s ear. “Turn her into any on coming waves it will help hold her steady.”

“You should also inform Mr. Scott to monitor energy surges in the transporter equipment. Ion storms have a habit of producing very interesting results during beam up.”

“He did look good with a beard you know,” Jim said, looking at the elder Spock with a smile.

“No, Jim.”

Mr. Scott was informed with all haste as the ship bounced through the elements.

“Captain, the landing party is now onboard, and uninjured, but Doctor McCoy wasn’t with them,” Uhura reported.

“Well where is he?!”

“Knowing Bones he ran off to save ten more people while yelling that he’ll only be a minute,” Jim said, with a roll of his eyes.

“Come on Bones don’t play hero on me!”

The ship rocked again.

“Damage report!”

“Forward shields are weak, but holding.”

“Captain, the transporter room reports that they have him!” 

“All right, Sulu, let’s get out of here; punch it!”

“Love to let him, captain, but we have a problem down here,” Scotty voice suddenly announced through the intercom.

“Scotty, you did get McCoy aboard right?”

“Aye, we did, sir, but…”

“But what?”

“Well there appears to have been a-a slight transporter malfunction.”

James didn’t need to hear anymore as he dashed off the bridge to see his friend; closely followed by Spock and their counter-parts. As they approached they heard yelling from the transporter room.

“I’m a doctor, not an astrophysicist!”

McCoy couldn’t believe this, even at his age the universe just had to throw him one more curve ball. One moment he had been beaming down to Earth ready to kiss his entire career goodbye and retire and the next thing he knew he was standing, wherever the hell this was, next to some young pup of a cadet claiming to be him. He knew he should have taken the shuttlecraft.

The doors to the transporter room opened and bright blue eyes saw double. A young Jim and a young Spock who were quickly followed by another Jim who hadn’t aged a day, and was un-dead for reasons yet to be explained, and another Spock; looking like he had aged several hundred days.

“What the hell did you two do!?”


	3. Chapter 3

They were back in the briefing room. This time a McCoy was now at either end of the table having the whole mess explained to him, and James was amused when he saw that both of them turned the exact same shade of purple when pissed off.

“If you tell me I’m stuck here forever, Spock, don’t stop me from doing a lot of good!” McCoy said angrily, while trying to edge his chair closer to Jim. 

Spock Prime made no mention of it as McCoy moved away from him. Only they knew that they had left one another on less than complimentary terms.

“Good is a relative term, doctor, we could also do untold damage doing what we believe is right.”

“Don’t give me that you green-blooded calculator! So many lives could be saved with what we know!”

“Bones, knock it off. If we tell them everything they’ll never grow on their own. In fact we don’t even know how much of our knowledge is even relevant to them.”

“That is true, Jim, many events have not happened as they did with us and that means everything we experienced from this point on will likely happen very differently here; if they happen at all.”

“Well you’ve certainly had a lot of time to think about this, Spock, haven’t you? But of course you’re the immortal one.”

Spock Prime leaned back in his chair. “Now that is something to be avoided.”

“What is?” James asked.

“You come across a ship called the Botany Bay?” McCoy asked.

“No.”

“When you do, blast it!”

Jim and Spock glanced at one another before siding with him. “Agreed.”

“See, Spock? We can tell them things and you can’t deny me what you’ve already done.”

“Specify.”

“I know you, Spock, this pack of kids didn’t get on this on their own. You mucked around with something here and called it logical.”

“It was logical.”

“In a pig’s eye!”

“As much as I hate to disagree with…me there are differences between us and we can’t ignore that,” the younger Bones spoke up.

“Specify, Doctor,” the younger Spock said.

“Well just look at us for one thing. You and Jim hang out on off duty hours sometimes. Those two act like they’re married!”

“We are married,” Jim answered simply.

“What!?”

“You called it a friendship!” Spock looked at his counter-part; his gaze demanding an explanation.

“It was a defining friendship long before it became what it now is.”

“Hah! I was right you did tell them something!” McCoy shouted, standing up in triumph.

“Spock, you knew about this!?” James yelled.

“I was aware of it when your counter-part described the ambassador as his t’hy’la.”

“His tequila-what?” Bones asked.

“T’hy’la, it means one who is considered a friend, brother, and lover. Or if one wishes to use sentimental human terms, his soulmate.” 

“My soulmate?! Oh, jeez!”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Captain. I do not consider you such a prospect in my personal life.”

James ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “No according to him it’s just destiny.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Jim whistled loudly and the room went quiet.

“That’s better. Now let’s all just calm down and talked about this rationally shall we?”

Everyone eventually nodded and sat back down.

“As you can see our emotions run high in this situation, doctor, we must be cautious.”

“Our- our emotions,” the older McCoy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Spock was speaking about his own emotions, openly, publicly. It was nothing like that day he had left. “What’s the matter with you, Spock?”

“I am at the high side of a hundred, Doctor, and I have found a marvellous internal balance in the near century since we parted. I’d have thought you would be pleased.”

“Well you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.”

Bones let his eyes roam over the older men.

“Okay guys what if we worked smaller on this instead?”

“Explain,” Spock Prime requested.

“Big universe bending things are out, but apparently personal relationships aren’t, I mean what if we desire families?”

McCoy looked at his younger self, plainly shocked.

“You don’t have a daughter?”

“You do?”

McCoy was quiet for a moment. “I did once. I love her with all my heart, but the circumstances being what they were it just…well it just would have been easier if...”

“What about me?” James asked, intrigued by this personal turn of conversation.

“Have you been with Carol Marcus?”

“Carol? She was my neighbour, we grew up together. She’s like my little sister! And you’re saying that you and her, oh god that’s disgusting!”

“Well there’s two down.”

Spock now looked curiously at his counter-part. With his planet gone the need for children had crossed his mind once or twice. He frowned a moment later though when he noticed that his older self remained silent; as pain filled his face and his eyes misted over in memory.

Jim looked over at his lover in shock; when he didn’t give a prompt response that he had no children. “Spock, are you a father?”

“I am.”

“You can have children that late, Spock?” McCoy asked.

“Vulcans remain fertile for their entire lifespan.”

“Wait! You’re saying you left children behind?” James asked, thinking back to his own childhood, and wondered if they would wonder and dream of the father they would never see again.

“You needn’t alarm yourself so, James. My children have children of their own. Their children have children, or they were about to, to be more precise. I’m sorry, Jim, that-”

“No, don’t apologize, Spock. I mean I disappeared, was presumed dead, I don’t begrudge you for finding another and building a family and a life with them. It was always my sincere wish to see you happy.” 

“No, no, you proceed from a false assumption. There was never anyone else. There never could be anyone else. They were yours, Jim.”

“What?” he asked softly, in complete disbelief.

“They came not long after your disappearance and provided a…balm, if you will excuse the metaphor, over that wound. Despite the chaos of the early years there was also a great serenity to my life when they were small.” He let his lips twitch up into a small smile. “They grew up to be so much like you, Jim, and I am sorry you could not be with them to see that.”

“Them?”

Before he could answer the other Spock spoke up, clearly impressed.

“You are most exceptional.”

James turned to his first officer. “Spock, care to explain this for the less logical crowd?”

“To be his, naturally, logic would dictate that conception occurred only once, and twinning is very rare in Vulcans. The constant touching in the womb is most often overwhelming for the developing minds and one or both will die. Were they identical?”

“Fraternal.”

“Now wait just a goddamn minute! You were pregnant when I…and you let me just go off on you in that state!? You-you…you idiot!”

“You were in great emotional distress from losing Jim I had no desire to make it worse.”

“But they were okay weren’t they? I mean I didn’t-”

“They were perfectly healthy, Doctor, you caused no lasting damage.”

McCoy placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Spock, if I had known I…”

“You would have shown nothing but pity, which I did not wish to receive. Forget it, Bones.”

McCoy lowered his eyes, just staring at the table, still not use to such an open Spock and still feeling guilty about what was said.

“Don’t suppose you have a picture of the little darlings?”

Spock Prime reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out a necklace with a bright blue orb on the end of it; and within the orb swirled a thin white mist.

“Not as such, though this is something similar. Thought patterns are encased within it and can be recalled by another. Ingenious really, my daughter was a wonderful scientist as a past time.”

McCoy scowled and folded his arms across his chest. “Scientist as a hobby should have known you’d push them to full Vulcan logic. What was her full time job, chemical engineer?”

Spock turned to his old friend and, looking positively smug, answered. “She was a doctor.”

“My daughter the doctor,” Jim said, biting his lip and looking like he didn’t know whether to smile or cry.

“Indeed they are both very bright; but I expect no less from the line of Solkan. They put several memories in here and gave it to me as a gift. I have added to it extensively over the years. If you wish to see, perhaps I could.”

“Could what?” Jim asked.

“If this were combined with a holographic imager perhaps the images could be projected outside so that you may see them. Would you care to assist me science officer?”

“I would be honoured.”

***

As the two Spocks headed off to one of the labs to work, James went to check on the bridge, while the McCoys dragged Jim off to the mess hall to get food. Jim just sat at the table staring at a wall, too anxious to eat. Who wouldn’t be after finding out they were a father again; and to twins no less. He sighed and once again he had missed everything.

“What is it, Jim?”

“We’ve had children, Spock and I, I can hardly believe it; a girl this time…and a boy.”

“What makes you so sure it’s a boy?”

“He indicated that he had a daughter, not two. You know how precise Spock is. The other one must be a boy.”

McCoy just shook his head and smiled. “You know I hope they do get that thing working because I just can’t picture it, daddy Spock.”

Daddy. How he had wanted to hear someone call him that, and he would have too. It wasn’t like it had been with David and Carol. They had been together and were going to remain together.

“I’m a father again,” he said quietly.

“More than that aren’t you?” the younger McCoy asked. “The ambassador did say his kids have kids right?”

Jim eyes widened as the meaning of Spock’s early statement hit him full force. “Oh, my god, kid, you’re right! I’m a grandfather!”

They had probably been married. There were weddings he had never been to. Births, graduations he hadn’t…and funerals, oh god the lady Amanda would surly have died by now, Sarek too perhaps, and he hadn’t been there to be the comforting shoulder as Spock had been to him.

“Oh, Jim, don’t look that that’s a good thing.”

The universe had given him back his ship, his husband, and his best friend; and now somewhere out beyond those stars was a family all his own. He deserved none of it.

“He raised them all alone, Bones.”

A lifetime, he had been gone his children’s entire lifetime.

“For nearly eighty years he carried on and I…why the hell does he want anything to do with me?!”

“Well isn’t he just a bright ray of sunshine in his golden years,” the younger McCoy said, frankly amazed at how different this man was to his best friend.

“Brightens up any room in an instant I tell you. Look, Jim, you didn’t do it on purpose and you aren’t the first dad to miss things I mean just look at me I-”

“It’s not the same, doctor, don’t you dare act like it is! You got to be with Joanna daily for ten years! You got to write to her, call her, she knew you! You know how beautiful she looked the day you walked her down the aisle to marry that goofball from Canada you hated so much! I don’t even know their names!” 

“Leonard and Amanda,” Spock said, as he came up behind them.

Two forks were dropped and clattered against the table.

“You named him for me?!”

“You are my friend; I felt it appropriate, and I felt you would have wished it, Jim.”

“You shouldn’t have done anything with my wishes in mind. They aren’t my children they’re yours. They never knew me,” Jim told him sourly, as he stood up from the table. 

Spock took Jim’s hand firmly in his own and looked him in the eye.

“They knew you, Jim, I made sure of it.” 

“A ghost, a man in pictures, and a name in stories long forgotten… they couldn’t possibly-”

Spock pulled his husband close to him.

“You forget, Jim, I am a Vulcan, as are they. We melded many times. They knew what I knew, felt what I felt, watched all that we did together; and were entranced to put it mildly. In fact Leonard made it his life’s ambition to be you.”

“Really?”

Spock nodded as the group left the mess hall.

Jim couldn’t help but be intrigued by that. With David Carol hadn’t wanted her son to be anything like him. Leonard on the other hand seemed to have seen him as a kind of role model. He supposed it was only natural to want to know of his accomplishments.

“How’d he do?”

“He made captain at twenty-eight.”

The older McCoy laughed and clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Bet he even looks just like you, Jim.”

“Indeed he does,” Spock answered, as they stepped into the briefing room once more and an image flickered to life on the wall.


	4. Chapter 4

_“It was the best of times it was the worst of times.”_

The rumble of thunder pulled him from the warmth of his dreams. Jim Kirk rubbed the sleep from his eyes, glanced out the window, and then stared at the clock. Great he was tired, it was raining, and he was going to be late.

“If you take the new shuttle, Jim, you shall be there on time.”

Jim rolled over and smiled at Spock lounging on the other half of the bed.

“Hello, stranger, what are you still doing here?”

“I was disinclined to get up.”

Jim frowned, that wasn’t like him. Spock got up at the same time everyday without fail. He should have been scrambling eggs in the kitchen by now and berating Jim for not putting out his uniform the night before.

“Are you all right?” Jim asked, placing one hand against Spock’s forehead.

“Jim, there is no cause for concern I merely-”

“Because if you’re not feeling well, Spock, I won’t go.”

“My health is perfectly adequate, Jim, and she is your lady.”

“Yeah,” he said, rolling onto his back, “being led by the biggest tight ass in all of Starfleet.”

“Jim, young minds fresh ideas, you should keep an opened mind.”

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “Think if I shoved a lump of coal up his ass I’d get a diamond?”

“Most unlikely, the pressure of the human rectum is not nearly forceful enough to cause such a reaction. Besides I believe captain Harriman is so full of it I don’t think it would fit.”

Jim laughed and pushed the blankets aside.

“Spock, I’ve been a terrible influence on you.”

“Indeed,” he answered, and got up as well.

***

Half an hour later Jim came out of the bathroom, his hair damp, but swept back, buttoning up his uniform. As Spock finished breakfast and set down two plates on the table in the small breakfast nook.

“It is truly an historic event to see the Enterprise B on her maiden voyage, Jim, I am sorry I cannot join you.”

“For all the greatness of this event it really is poorly organized you know, most of us won’t even be there. Bones is away with Joanna, Sulu is off commanding the Exculsior, Uhura is off on some trip to Marcus III, and you have that, that…”

“Diplomatic etiquette course.”

“You’re really going to go into diplomacy?”

“It would seem the logical choice. Much as I have enjoyed providing instruction to young minds at the Academy Starfleet has diminished my role as of late, as they wish to start rotating in younger crew members.”

Jim snorted. “You know I’m thinking of writing a strongly worded letter on the mandatory age for retirement. Humans live well into their hundreds these days what am I supposed to do with myself for the next forty years?”

He reached his arm across the table and took Spock’s hand. “Besides spending every moment bothering you of course.”

Spock leaned over the table himself and kissed him.

“Promises, promises, Jim.”

With that they stood up and prepared to leave. As Spock pulled on his jacket Jim hugged him from behind, letting his hands linger on Spock’s stomach.

“Good luck today, Spock.”

“To you as well, my t’hy’la. You will check the science bays for me?”

“Of course and I’ll be back home to tell you all about them before you know it.”

He kissed Spock one last time and walked out the door.

***

The last five days had been a living hell. 

It was supposed to be a simple launching cruise for the press. They were not even supposed to leave the solar system and now they had over forty refuges with mental scarring, a damaged ship, and Jim was gone. 

The service was going as well as could be expected given the circumstances, but Spock could not bring himself to act in an appropriate manner. The smell of food was overpowering to his senses and he finally abandoned the hall. He passed several people who offered soft words meant to comfort and hands that outstretched, before remembering he was a Vulcan and pulled away. They did not understand. No one had ever really understood except Jim. Feeling wetness collecting in his eyes he ducked out of the hallway and locked himself in a nearby bathroom. Everything felt wrong and not just emotionally. The slight fatigue he had been suffering from the morning Jim had left had not abated. Instead it had been joined by bouts of dizziness and a feeling of being just plain ill. 

Spock leaned against the door, breathing deeply, trying to regain some measure of self-control. The attempt was a failure as his stomach suddenly clenched and he dropped to his knees, leaned over the toilet and lost the small amount of food he had forced himself to eat earlier. Spock knew at that moment that something was very, very wrong with him. Even grief would not cause such a violent reaction from his body. He sat back against the wall and began a short round of meditation carefully checking everything to determine the cause of his illness. His eyes widened as he learned the cause of his distress.

“No.”

Spock wrapped his arms around his torso where new life, completely unaware of the anguish it was causing, was growing; curled up on the floor, and wept.

***

She had been admiring her slightly over-grown rose garden when there was a frantic knock on the door. Slowly she eased herself up and went to answer it.

“I am sorry I should not put such stress on you in your condition, but I knew of no one else.”

Amanda Grayson took one look at her son and ushered him inside without a word.

She sat back down as Spock paced around the room, breathing hard, trying to control the grief, the shock, and the sheer emotional pain of it all. When he felt like he could hold his composure from the coming conversation he came over to her and sat down as well.

“I am truly sorry, Spock. To lose a bondmate at such a time, in such a way, I grieve with thee.”

“It is worse.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Mother, Jim is-he is…he is going to leave children behind.”

Dispensing with all Vulcan tradition she had promised to uphold when raising Spock Amanda hugged her child to her chest. Letting her tears fall into his hair as she wept for him. After some time she realized he had chosen rather odd phrasing.

“Children you said.”

“It’s seems Jim’s gift for twisting probability to his advantages continues even now, twins.”

Amanda started crying again, both from joy and pain. Her son leaned back from her slightly and wiped the tears from her face.

“What will you do?” She asked.

“With my life I cannot provide for young ones.”

“It is not what you want though, is it, Spock?”

“What I want is immaterial it is only logical that I-”

“Spock, please do yourself a favour. Put aside logic, do what feels right.”

“Mother-”

“Think of it this way, if you get rid of the last thing that ties you to that man, will you ever be stable enough to think logically, rationally, to perform your duties to the fullest again?”

“No.”

“Then you have your answer.”

***

_“She was pregnant, Spock.”_

_“Captain?”_

_“Miramanee, she was expecting.”_

_“I am sorry, Jim, it is a great loss.”_

_“You know what the great irony is? I’m already a father to a son I’ll never see.”_

But he had seen him again, only to lose him once more in a thoughtless move by an enemy.

Spock knew he must do everything in his power to ensure that the pregnancy was successful, both in memory of Jim and for himself. Unfortunately he had overlooked the fact that acting in a certain manner could be misinterpreted by outsiders, especially overly emotional ones.

“You wished to see me, doctor McCoy?”

The fresh smell of ale in the room should have been his first indication that things were not right.

“What the hell is the matter with you, Spock!?”

“I do not understand, doctor, to what are you referring?”

“Everything! Jim is dead and you’re as shut up as an Andorain clam!”

He had to be. Allowing too much emotion would be harmful to foetal development. They were at enough risk already having to touch constantly in the same womb.

“You refuse to even talk to any of us!”

His increased sleep schedule had kept him from talking until all hours, unburdening, as he knew Uhura and Chekov were doing. The nausea brought on by the smell of certain foods kept him out of the mess halls where Mr. Scott, Dr. McCoy, and Janice Rand had been meeting regularly simply to be in familiar company.

“You wouldn’t even drink during the toast!”

“I am abstaining from alcohol.”

“Bullshit! I’ve never seen you turn it down before! And if you were you could have made an exception for custom! Or is that our lowly human rituals are beneath your superior Vulcan sensibilities?” 

“The fact that I bonded with one does not give you any indication that I find something desirable about your species?”

“The fact that you won’t mourn him is what disturbs me!”

“Or that I do not mourn as you do?”

No doubt his need to mediate and repair the bond that had been ripped from him by engaging his mind in other matters such as work came across as cold and unfeeling.

“Jim risked his life, sacrificed everything he held dear for you, and this is how you repay him?”

“If you mean to suggest that I am not affected by what has happened you are mistaken-”

“Listen to you! I was right all those years ago you wouldn’t know what to do with a warm genuine feeling you inhuman callous, cold-blooded, monster!”

Spock opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off as a glass went flying across the room shattering against the far wall.

“Get out!”

“Leonard, please-”

“Go! Before I do something I’ll regret.”

Spock bowed his head solemnly and walked out the door, and out of the good doctor’s life.

Out in the hallway he breathed deeply reminding himself that he needed to keep his composure for the health of the children and that, despite the pain, this had been necessary. It would be far easier to leave with McCoy, and the others no doubt, hating him, never wanting to see his face again, then to go as they begged him to stay; to have to lose two friends in such a short time instead of just one. Also it provided closure for him to the final chapter of this portion of his life. The last lingering remains of infection ripped from the wound before it could heal properly.

“Thank you, doctor.”

As he continued down the hallway two tiny sparks flared in his mind; clumsily trying to show concern, unable to understand the shift the sudden shift of emotions. Spock ran a hand over his growing stomach in a soothing manner. _He has his own pain and he does not understand my way of dealing with mine,_ he thought as the turmoil slowly subsided. Of course he could have told doctor McCoy of his condition, but he would have insisted on giving aid which, as a Vulcan, he could not take. Pregnancy due to the hormonal changes often brought about great emotionalism, and so it was tradition that a Vulcan show they were capable of performing the coming duty of parenthood properly by facing the burden alone. On the human side he knew he could not remain here. The memories were still too fresh, too painful, and it would be better for the children if he didn’t. The crew would be more than happy to help of course, but they would also look upon them with pity. Think of them only as Jim Kirk’s children even if they did not wish to. 

With former ties now severed he went to their home and began packing up Jim’s belongings. The large collection of shirts he had acquired over the years, their joint collection of Earth antiques hanging on the walls. The book he had given him for his fiftieth birthday sat out on a table. Jim had been re-reading it.

Spock picked it up, opened it to the page he had bookmarked, and read. 

_I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous, and happy, in that England which I shall see no more. I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts and in the hearts of their descendents, generations hence. I see her, an old woman, weeping for me on the anniversary of this day…I see that child who lay upon her bosom and who bore my name, a man winning his way up in that path of life which was once mine. I see him winning it so well, that my name is made illustrious there by the light of his. I see the blots I threw upon it, faded away. I see him, foremost of just judges and honoured men, bringing a boy of my name, with a forehead that I know and golden hair, to this place. Then fair to look upon, with not a trace of this day's disfigurement, and I hear him tell the child my story, with a tender and a faltering voice._

“And I will Jim.”

They would know of Jim. He would tell them and show them if they wished, but, and this he promised himself, he would work to make sure they knew their lives were their own to do with as they wished.

***

It was summertime on Vulcan, a time for young children to train for the Kahs-wan ordeal, a time for the sun to beat down hard into the windows of tiny offices, where diplomats sat amongst endless PADDs of ‘paperwork’. For the first time in his life Spock found the heat oppressive, and his belly had expanded so much that getting in and out of chairs could now qualify as an Olympic event. Still he had to keep working through it. If he allowed his mind to be idle now it would start to think about him and what this day use to be about. About where they were last year at this time…their anniversary. He was determined to focus on other matters. So, in hindsight, it was easy to see how Spock did not give the early signs of pain any attention. Back pain was constant this late in pregnancy and the contractions were so far apart initially that he did not note that they were rhythmic. As the day wore on he eventually picked up on the fact that he was in labour; as the two young minds grew fearful as they were pushed closer to the outside world. It was fitting Spock thought as he stood up, gripped the edge of his desk and called for a healer, that this day of their union would give way to a celebration of what was coming from that union. His children were determined to help him; to ease the pain even now.

He was transported to the hospital and his mother arrived quickly, setting to work bothering the nurses and bringing him cups of ice water. Sarek was off-world and had not even been informed of the recent events. Spock gripped her hand tightly as he slipped into the final stages of labour. His mind was one with the babies, as they moved ever closer to the great unknown. His body focused solely on the task at hand even as stray thoughts threatened to creep in for the one who should have been there and wasn’t.

“Jim!”

His cry came out strangled, rough with pain, and was quickly joined by the loud wailing of new lives. 

***

_“You’ll never know the things that love can drive a man to.”_

Jim had given up his career, his ship, and his son all on the barest hope that he could get his t’hl’ya’s soul where it needed to be, and if he was very lucky get him back fully. Now Spock knew he could give up his career, his family, if his father wished it, and all those friends he had made during those long years in space to protect, and raise, and love the small part of himself that his t’hl’ya had left behind.

He looked down into the crib, at the two innocent souls sleeping soundly within it. They were so alike, born on the same day naturally, copper based blood, both of equal weight, both had his black hair and yet they were also so different already. The different genders first and foremost, one girl and one boy. He traced his fingers around each of them. Noting her pointed ears against her brother’s round ones. She also had the upswept eyebrows of a typical Vulcan while his were far more human. She had Jim’s eyes though and her brother had the deep brown of his own. In his eyes they were perfect and Spock was overjoyed to have them.

A late summer thunderstorm rumbled overhead waking the children who stared up at him, their eyes wide with fear and wonderment.

_Do not worry, my little ones, father is here._


	5. Chapter 5

_“We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.”_

Spock sat back in his chair as the comm. screen finally went black. It amazed him that people could almost have an intergalactic incident over disagreements of whether the h’ordeuvres for a function should be round or square.

“It’s mine! Give it back!”

_Speaking of disagreements._ Spock sighed, got up and walked into their bedroom.

“Leonard, give your sister back her property.”

Reluctantly Leonard stuck his arm out towards her bed. His sister grabbed her stuffed whale back and stuck out her tongue at him.

“Amanda, there is an old Earth theory that if you contort your face in such a manner it will get stuck that way. I ask you not to test it.”

“Sorry, father.”

He nodded in acceptance, putting either hand on their foreheads. Their fevers were each down half a degree that was good. He pulled over the chair near their beds and sat down.

“Father, we are ill you should not remain here,” Leonard said.

“Yes, your chances of receiving the infection increase to 46.8 percent by your close proximity to us.”

“Up from the 26.3 percent it was when I was outside breathing recycled air. I shall risk it. Besides I have had my fill of bureaucrats for the day and your company should no doubt prove much more stimulating. Now tell me what have you been doing besides engaging in petty squabbling?”

“I have discovered that there are forty ceiling tiles in our room.”

“And a spider has created a new web on the window sill,” Amanda said, pointing out the structure.

“Tell me more.”

***

_“Open your mind. We move together.”_

Amanda finished the assigned chapter and lowered her book.

“I like it.”

“It is an interesting scenario,” Leonard agreed, putting down his own copy.

“Should we ask him?”

“I’d like to.”

Quickly the pair made their way down the hall.

“Father, may we come in?”

“Of course, what can I help you two with?”

“We have been reading a book for our studies and have come across an interesting scene.”

“Indeed.”

“The author describes a situation in the novel similar to a mind meld. When in physical contact with the elder the main character is aware of the memories he holds; as if seeing it from that person’s perspective,” Amanda said.

“Would it be like that with you?” Leonard asked.

“It would to a degree. All melds are different depending on those involved and their experience.”

They nodded and took a deep breathe as they came to their reason for inquiry.

“May we see him?”

Spock nodded. He had spent a long time preparing for this day. “We will go slowly.”

He got everyone set up comfortably on the floor and then let tiny hands press against his face.

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts; our minds are merging, our minds are one.”

He focused them to the bright areas of his mind; where memories would be safe for them to view. They were young and so it didn’t surprise him that they quickly found a memory filled with cute, if useless, creatures.

_“Does everyone know about this wheat, but me?”_

_“Did you get this…at the space station?”_

_“Of course I am…immune to its effects.”_

_“Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They’re nice, they’re soft, and they’re furry, and they make a pleasant sound.”_

_“So, would an ermine violin, doctor, but I see no advantage in having one.”_

_“Reproducing at will…and brother have they got a lot of will.”_

_The sounds of cooing and squeaks filled their minds; as dozens of the creatures spilled out of a storage compartment; they felt the straining of facial muscles as they fought to remain in stoic neutrality._

_“Mr. Baris, I’ll hold you in irons if you don’t shut up!”_

_“We quit feeding them they stop breeding.”_

_“Now he tells me.”_

_“Gentlemen, I don’t want to break up this mutual admiration society, but I’d like to know where the tribbles are.”_

_“I gave them a very good home, sir.”_

_“Where!?”_

_“I gave them to the klingons, sir.”_

_“You gave them to the klingons?”_

_“Aye, sir. Before they went to wrap I beamed the whole kitten and caboodle into their engine room, where they’ll be no tribble at all.”_

The meld cut out abruptly as the twins were now giggling hysterically on the floor.

***

_“This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.”_

“Please may we go? Please, please!?”

“An amazing parallel to diplomacy,” Spock observed looking at the two pleading faces in front of him. “He who yells the loudest gets his way.” 

It had seemed like a harmless gesture at the time. They had been on Earth and had gone to the aquarium on his day off. A large Humpback whale exhibit had been set up and Gillian was still running it. When they arrived Leonard had run off to look at something he deemed much more interesting. While Amanda had remained with him as he talked to Doctor Taylor. Over the course of conversation, of course, it came up that Spock had helped Gillian and the original George and Gracie. Amanda’s interest was peaked. Afterwards Spock had mind-melded with her because she had been curious about the adventure to bring those whales back. He had shown her that adventure and that era of history. This had turned out to be a mistake on his part. 

Amanda had become fascinated by the late twentieth century Earth and began to study it extensively. Honestly he had never thought that his twelve year old daughter would develop such a fixation for an entertainer of the period. Posters of him now covered an entire wall of her room and of course his music was on a constant loop in their entertainment system speakers. Spock did admire her resourcefulness in being able to track down audio tracks that were centuries old now and in excellent quality too. Still it was…frustrating to be in meetings with delegates and have his mind filled with nothing but the lyrics to ‘Billie Jean’. Spock looked over to the living room and shook his head as Amanda tried to teach Leonard a manoeuvre known simply as ‘The Moonwalk’.

***

_“Galloping around the cosmos is a job for the young.”_

“Father, may I speak with you?”

“You may.”

Leonard stepped into the home office; his tall frame nearly brushing to the top of the doorway.

“I plan a rather long discussion perhaps if needed to schedule me.”

“Time with you is not something to be scheduled like it is nothing more than a duty,” he said, cancelling out of the program he was currently working on and turned his chair to face his son. “What do you wish to talk about?”

“I have received a reply from my application to Starfleet. They have accepted me.”

“Then I extend to you my congratulations it is a wonderful honour and the Federation shall receive an excellent cadet.”

“Many thanks.”

Spock sat up straighter in his chair. This was his son’s dream coming to fruition that response was…rather neutral.

“I get the feeling you are not as comfortable with the decision as you were before, why?”

Leonard shifted his weight back and forth on his feet, nervously.

“You yourself left Starfleet.”

“I did.”

“Were you dissatisfied in your career?”

“Not at all, it was merely a matter of priorities.”

“Please elaborate.”

“I had been retired from active service and while it is true that I could have attained another position within the fleet it would not have offered the time necessary to dedicate myself to young children. There was a great deal of difficulty in merging family and career at the time, although I understand that is undergoing changes, as with many other things, in Starfleet. Never the less you and your sister were more important to me. Diplomacy on Vulcan was the logical choice.”

Leonard nodded it was an acceptable choice and one he did not have to make yet. He was only sixteen after all.

“You still received the rank of captain as he did.”

“As a teacher, pushing the next generation forward, I was content in that position. As a true command position I did not desire it and I still don’t.”

“Still, that I wish to dedicate my life there, in command fully, that I wish to follow in his footsteps. To, in my lofty dreams of youth, perhaps even surpass him. You do not feel that that reflects judgement on you?”

Hiding a smile at those words Spock stood up and came over to put his hands on Leonard’s shoulders.

“Leonard, whatever you decide to be, and to do, I shall be proud of you.”

***

_“Your final solution was shall we say unique.”_

“I regret that I cannot meet you upon your arrival as we had planned. I have been schedule for an examination at that time,” Leonard reported to his father over the communication screen.

“What is the nature of the examination?”

“I have been unable to determine the nature of the simulation at this time. All files are classified and upperclassmen speak of it only to compare how many casualties they had.”

“Ah, yes the Koybashi Maru is infamous for wrecking havoc on students and equipment.”

“You know of it?”

“Indeed it is a great examination of your command abilities and I would not undermine it by telling the components and thus depriving you of its character building nature.”

“Fair enough.”

The image shifted and Admiral Chekov and Commodore Sulu appeared with Leonard and Spock.

“I trust his performance was satisfactory.” 

Chekov smiled. “He won.”

Leonard had no doubt included this memory for visual reference in seeing a response he had never seen from his father before; and never would again.

Spock spit out his coffee on the floor in front of him.

“He what?!”

***

_“My son the doctor.”_

In retrospective Jim had only been wrong about the gender, Spock thought as Amanda moved through the crowd of people; holding onto her diploma so hard the frame was threatening to crack.

“Congratulations, doctor,” he said, and straightened the tassel on her cap.

“Thank you. It somehow seems like it isn’t real. Like all that hard work hasn’t finally paid off. Illogical isn’t it?”

“Perhaps, but pride and elation in one’s accomplishments is perfectly human.” 

***

_“Why did you marry her?”_

_“At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do.”_

It was logical on all counts. They were compatible, a union would provide greater insurance in Starfleet for both of them in a worst case scenario; most importantly of course was that Salak made Amanda happy. 

Spock had been dreading this day from the moment she had brought him home. 

He watched her as she finished setting her hair in mirror. Spock went still for a moment remembering all the times he had done it for her. That was the real issue at play here. In his own illogical way he knew no one would ever be good enough, in his eyes, for his little girl.

She sighed as she put down the brush and he came over to her; putting his hands on her shoulders.

“What troubles you, Amanda?”

She pulled an old picture on the dresser closer to her.

“I wish for him to be here now, to see this. To be a part of it with and us…and to be there afterwards as well. Salak and I will be traveling a lot and contact with you will be less frequent. Leonard I may not hear from at all knowing what a mess he’ll get into without me.” 

Spock understood completely. Change, even welcomed change, was still frightening. He knew that she wished to have the familiar with her even as she took steps towards a future she knew was right for her.

Spock unclasped the pendant that had remained around his neck for many years and quickly slipped it around hers.

“Father, no! I could never ask…”

“And so you did not ask. I am offering it of my own volition.”

Amanda looked in the mirror as the necklace settled against her skin. She gripped the ornament that inside held the only personal words ever spoken by her dad outside of memories and old interview tapes.

“Thank you.”

Spock leaned down and placed a gentle kiss against her head.

“Come, the bride should not be late to her own wedding.”

*** 

_“The more complex the mind the greater the need for the simplicity of play.”_

Shore leave was being had on Earth; on the old Kirk farm. And Spock was finally able to get an answer as to why he and Leonard were doing so much walking during it on their fifth trip around the tiny lake.

“You wish to induce labour?”

“I do.”

“Leonard I know we’ve had the discussion of how one obtains offspring, was I not thorough in explaining where they come out?”

Leonard looked down at the bulge that was to be his third child.

“Although the prospect of expanding my family is wonderful and fills me with joy I find the process of carrying my son most uncomfortable and annoying.”

“I see, and T’Par agrees with this?”

Leonard smiled as the baby kicked.

“She wants to see him too.”

They fell silent as they came back to the camp site. Amanda had it half set-up and was looking ruffled as four young children ran around the clearing.

She glared at Spock with a look that clearly said, _deal with them_.

“What would you suggest I do, Amanda?”

“Entertain them. You’re the grandparent it’s in the job description.”

Spock’s grand-children were happy to help him fulfill his obligations as they grabbed onto his arms and pulled him close to the small dock on the lake.

“This is most unnecessary I took a shower and I washed my hair thoroughly.”

They just laughed and pushed him into the lake; jumping in after him.

When he surfaced Leonard and Amanda were standing on the dock smiling down at him. 

“I think he’s started a new fashion trend, wouldn’t you agree, Leonard?”

“Oh, absolutely! It is a wonderful look for him.”

“Then I should not be selfish and deprive others of it,” he said, quickly grabbed them by the ankles, and yanked them in as well.

***

_“Other people have families.”_

Night had fallen and as everyone sat around the campfire T’Nika pulled out a bag of puffy white cubes. Leonard watched his daughter put several them on one end of a small thin stick.

“What are you doing, T’Nika.” 

“I am preparing to toast them.”

Raavik pulled out two more food packages from his bag as the marsh-melons went near the fire. “A classmate of ours has described an interesting recipe of putting the sweets with chocolate between graham crackers. They called it smoes.”

“That’s s’mores, dummy!” his brother ridiculed.

“Mama!”

“Selkirk, we do not use such language to address others,” Amanda admonished, as she helped them prepare the snacks and put them out for everyone.

“An interesting concoction,” Leonard, said looking at the small pile on the plate.

“And you don’t get chocolate, Leonard,” Spock said.

“And you wonder why I wish to induce labour,” Leonard responded, and grudgingly took a plain one.

It was surprisingly good.

“So, T’Nika, after we consume the marsh-melons then what do we do?” Leonard asked.

“I believe there is a ritual known as the sing-along.”

Spock nearly choked on his drink. “What are we going to sing?” He managed to ask.

“I have a suggestion-”

“Amanda, we are not singing ‘Thriller’.”

She swatted her brother lightly on the arm. “I was not going to suggest that. I don’t wish to scare the children.”

“But we like scary things. In fact we want to hear a scary story instead,” Selkirk said earnestly.

“Oh, yes,” T’Sal agreed. “Grandfather, will you tell it? We want to hear one about you and Grandpa Jim.”

“And remember it has to be scary,” Raavik reminded him.

Spock thought back for a moment. “The stardate was 3045.6 and the crew of the Enterprise were traveling to the Cestus III outpost. Where Jim had to fight against the seemingly indestructible creature known as the Gorn…”


	6. Chapter 6

When the home movies were over McCoy followed his younger self to sickbay, because he still wanted to be useful. Meanwhile Jim and Spock went back to the cabin Jim had claimed as his own for the night. On the way Spock was acutely aware of how quiet Jim was. He knew he would be quite despondent at learning about the children he had never met. Especially because he knew how much Jim had cared about and missed David, but he thought that being able to see them, at least briefly, and watching them grow would help. Instead he seemed to be completely depressed.

When they entered the room Jim went to go stare at a wall and Spock sat down on the bed. He was not as young as he once was and to say the day’s events had been taxing was a great understatement. He had gained much today and before now he had been kept busy, and in that way he had been given the pleasure not to focus on what he no longer had. In the quiet of such a familiar room though he would not allow himself to deny it or shove it away. He misses the children. Looking at the man he had made them with, looking lost and lonely, he knew he could not afford to be selfish. He had had everything with them, Jim had not. Jim was far more important at this juncture.

“Jim, what is it?”

“You know I met Sulu’s daughter on the Enterprise B.”

Spock went along with the abrupt comment, because at least Jim was talking. “Yes, I believe he did mention that she had entered Starfleet.”

“I asked Scotty when Sulu had found time for a family. You know what he said? He quoted me! Told me that I had once said ‘that if something was important you made the time’, it got me thinking that maybe my life had been one big mistake. That after I had spent my time focused on my career that all I had to show for it was a bunch of honours hung on the walls of an empty house. That it had cost me so much, too much. That by advancing myself away from my ‘best destiny’ as you called it that I had lost so much time with you, that galloping around the galaxy had cost me any chance of knowing my son as a boy; or knowing him at all.

“For an instant all I wanted was the chance to do it all over; to do it right; and suddenly I did. I couldn’t explain it then and I can’t explain it now. One moment the bulkhead on the Enterprise disappeared and in the next I found myself in the summer cabin I knew as a boy with no news cameras, no demands of life and death. Just time to do whatever I wished with myself.”

“Were you happy there, Jim?”

“I thought I was, but looking back in hindsight it was like the time we were on Omicron Ceti III with those spores. It was a high, an artificial peace, where I was content to do nothing, to stagnate; but you know me it couldn’t last. I need to do, I’m driven to help, to accomplish. I think that’s why I was having difficulty with retiring. There was no mountain to climb anymore. There wasn’t in wherever I was trapped either, but I didn’t realise it for so long, and then…and then I didn’t try hard enough! They got me out without even realising it! If I had known I was trapped sooner I could have…goddamn it, Spock! Five days! Five days was all that separated you from knowing you were expecting. From being able to tell me that I was going to be a father again; from knowing that in a few short months there was going to be so many new mountains to climb, and tasks to do. Instead, in a fit of selfishness, I missed it all. You raised our children, held our grandchildren. While I wasted my time with what I thought I wanted.”

Jim came and sat down next to Spock, his eyes growing misty. Spock hugged him hard. He longed to feel Jim to know that he wasn’t going to disappear at any moment. 

“My life it, it would have been so full. So much fuller than that empty paradise I was content to wallow in for so long.”

“It can still be full, Jim. We have each other again. We can grow old together as you wished to. We are home.”

“You had a home before. I envy you, Spock, you’re so strong. You’ve gone a lifetime without me.”

“And not a day went by that I did not miss you, Jim.”

“I know, but you still did it. You lived long, you prospered. Me I had to change the conditions I couldn’t accept it.”

“And you were successful if I had-”

Jim cut him off. “Never, never think like that! It wasn’t your fault and besides you, you might have hurt them.”

Jim buried his face against Spock’s neck and let the tears finally come. 

“They’re so beautiful, so strong. They’re just like you and I…how-how can I miss people I’ve never even met?”

“Illogical, but it still exists; and I miss our children too.”

It was a simple admission the controls were so loose now. Change so much change, so much time…lost, gone from him like sand through his fingers on a beach. Jim looked at his husband. There was still such pain and loneliness in those eyes. Of course he would miss them they had been his whole world and yet here he was putting other’s needs before his own just like always, yes he was still Spock.

“Spock, I love you so much…and I should have been there.”

Spock just held Jim close, leaving gentle kisses through greying hair.

“You are here now and that is more than enough. More than I ever dared to hope for; and you should be secure in the knowledge that our son and daughter will carry on in our place. To reach new heights and thrive as we wish them to.”

***

_Meanwhile in the 24 th century._

Lights hummed on and monitors beeped as two people slowly opened their eyes to stare at a sickbay ceiling.

“And once again we survive to fight another day.”

“You know eventually we’re going to run out of lives.”

“Luckily I’ve got more that you, thrill-seeker.”

“I’m not a thrill-seeker my work required more risk than yours did. Besides you’ve travelled and tried far more outrageous activities than I have.”

“Correct and even I managed not to fall off a cliff.”

“I was able to climb back up unaided what does that say about me?”

“That you’re a stubborn thrill-seeker so my point still stands,” the woman said, carefully sitting up on the bed and looking over to the man on her right. “Breathe deeply and tell me if it hurts.”

“There is mild discomfort on my right side when I intake fully. Other than that I feel well, and you?”

“My leg has healed adequately. All other injuries are minor.”

They were fortunate, others had not been. They looked at one another again; their eyes hollow. Both aware of the consciousness that now roamed on the edges of their own. Parted now and yet not parted. Always touching and yet could never be touched again. There was no need for words, but they must be used as they could not risk complete touch in such a state.

“Father said we would understand it when we were older.”

“I wish I did not.”

“I know.”

“What of father?”

“No word has been received from him. He is presumed dead,” a new voice answered.

They turned as a young Vulcan male entered the room.

“I grieve with thee,” he said.

“And we with you,” they responded.

“What has occurred while we have been unconscious?” The older male asked the younger.

“The refugees have arrived at Delta Vega. You two have remained in the ship medical bay to recover and allow more hospital room on the colony. Due to sub-space interference believed to have been brought on by the supernova all contact has been temporarily cut off. The Federation has not been fully disclosed of recent events.”

“Is the rest of the family here?”

“Affirmative, in addition both T’Nika and t’Lara have delivered successfully in you absence. Do you wish to see them?”

“No, not yet we must discuss matters first,” the woman said to her son.

“Then I shall leave you.”

“Thank you, Raavik.”

He nodded and left the room. Amanda turned to her brother.

“We have been told they fear him dead, and yet I feel he is still among the living, merely displaced.”

“I agree. The trace of him is faint, but presence. It gives me hope because it…it is not unlike that which we felt when we were young, and now it seems so close, so possible.”

The cause was far more than sufficient and Amanda let herself smile. “Dad you think we’ve been sensing dad all this time.”

“Before there was no baseline to measure, but now with our father in that same mental frame, there and yet not there, it seems only logical.”

“His body was never recovered,” Amanda said, agreeing with Leonard’s assessment. “The Nexus phenomenon was not seen before then and is still poorly understood now.”

“Surly father will try to return then, if the phenomenon that has been created now is similar to that.”

“It might be quite possible that he is unable to return. Dad has not. Indeed if they are now in the same space they will obviously need outside intervention.”

“And if we cannot return as well?” Leonard asked.

Amanda was silent, thinking through everything thoroughly. “Romulus was the heart of the Romulan Empire. With the planet now gone the empire will quickly fall into disarray.”

“The survivors will quickly become entrenched on Delta Vega as Saavik and father wished it to be.”

“Vulcans understand the importance of culture even if they do not agree with it. They will give aid to achieve stability.”

“And it will be a great blow to the Federation to lose one of their greatest ambassadors in an attempt to prevent this catastrophe. Members will question why more action was not taken, and will discover that outside action was.”

“To lose his family as well, not just of a high ranking Vulcan family, but family of the late James T. Kirk; as they attempted to rescue all they could. A decorated doctor and the youngest captain in Starfleet history, the Federation will have no choice but to act. To make any peace that can be achieved to save face.”

They fell silent both arriving at the same conclusion, that they voiced in unison. 

“We are now worth more to the Federation dead than alive.”

The decision was made. They would go to his rescue and if they too could not return, that was acceptable. The decision was both logical, because it would be for the needs of the many, and emotional, because it would fulfill their need to see him again if they could; to ensure his safety and to even perhaps confirm the survival of his bondmate.

Still others must be considered. Their family wasn’t little anymore. They called Raavik back in and he quickly brought his brother and cousins with him.

“He is still out there somewhere and we must find him,” Leonard stated simply.

“Other Federation ships will be here shortly and you need to inform then that we did not survive.”

“We cannot tell a lie,” Raavik said.

“You do not have to. I was the medical officer on board this vessel I will change any necessary documentation. Also it is not entirely incorrect.”

“Then it is true what we have been told?” T’Sal asked softly.

Amanda and Leonard bowed their heads and from their mouths came the voices of another.

“It is.”

Salak and T’Par took in the images of their children for the last time. They looked so grown-up now. They would be all right without them.

David approached her first. Like the human name he had been given he was the most emotional of her children and so T’Par allowed him to hug her.

“To be Vulcan is to understand that my life was not forsaken in vain, my son, and so there is no need for untold grief.”

“Of course, but it is human to miss your physical presence in my life and to grieve that loss until we can all readjust.”

“Of course.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

David stepped back and let his sisters have their moment.

T’Nika spoke to her mother. “I will tell him all about you. About the sacrifice you have made to ensure his-the galaxy’s future.”

“Thank you.”

T’Sal took her hands.

“It was logical?”

“Always.”

“Was there pain?”

“It was minimal; and he was with me.”

“As it should be.”

“We will miss you.”

Leonard took partially control as they all embraced him. 

“My girls and my boy, my little boy.”

“Always.”

Salak looked at his boys. They represented a lifetime shared and a legacy that would carry even though he would no longer be there to see it.

“She must take you to the place of the ancients, father.”

“So, she will when the time is right. I loved her dearly in life, my sons. I shall stay with her now until she has completed her task and can take me where I must be.”

Selkirk wrapped an arm around his father as Raavik stood stoic and firm. Salak expected no less. They were identical in looks, but their personalities could not be further apart.

“We wish you peace.”

“May you both live long and prosper.” 

“Goodbye.”

Selkirk remained where his was as Amanda came back. Raavik approached his mother now…uncertain. She reached out and gripped his hand tightly.

“You will be there for them, give them the peace and serenity that comes with logic?”

“I shall, still I…wish to be more at this time.”

“You as you should be and I am so very proud of that Raavik.”

She hugged him. He did not respond, but she had not expected him to.

“Kiss mommy goodbye.”

He did.

T’Nika remained wrapped around his body as Leonard took full control again and he held her tightly. She was shaking, still recovering from the birth. Tears were collecting in her eyes, but refusing to be shed.

“You must see them before you go, all of you must,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Of course.”

***

The trip was risky, but it was made none the less. Both Leonard and Amanda wished to see the newest editions to their growing clan. In a way they were a tiny microcosm of what was happening in the galaxy; the results of a Vulcan and Romulan union. Holding the little ones in their arms they looked out to the stars.

Leonard looked down at his grandson, sleeping, unaware of all the change going on around him. “You, you are just starting out your life, and out there a great new undiscovered country is unfolding and I am saddened that I cannot explore it with you.”

“But your parents will speak of us and of your great-grandfather and his father and so in this way we shall never be truly gone,” Amanda said, to the small bundle in her own arms.

“You two are going to grow up to do great things one day; I can tell. Taking your places among the ‘judges and honoured men’ that have come before, carrying on their work to the very edges of the universe. To boldly going where no one has gone before.”

“And we have a gift to take with you on the journey.”

Amanda pressed one finger gently to his temple. Then kissed the tiny eyebrow and whispered his name.

“James.”

Leonard mirrored her actions.

“Spock.”


	7. Chapter 7

The Enterprise was in orbit around New Vulcan having received a report that another ship had encountered a potentially hazardous situation and they were to wait from them and give any assistance needed. The bridge crew waited anxiously as the other Starship entered the sector.

“The Constellation is hailing us, Captain.”

“Put it on screen, Uhura.”

The screen blurred for a moment and the face of Matt Decker filled it.

“Kirk, we’ve had recent contact with a spatial anomaly on a return to New Vulcan to drop off Ambassador Sarek. A vessel came out of it and the ship and it occupants are being held here, but the ambassador believes that a Vulcan elder, Selek, can help us. We’ve been ordered to contact you and have you bring him to us as soon as possible.”

“He is onboard right now we’ll have him beam aboard your ship immediately.” 

“Of course…Captain.”

James sat up as straight as he could in his chair.

“Thank you, Captain Decker.”

The man nodded stiffly and the viewscreen went back to showing the stars.

James got up from his chair and walked stiffly to the turbolift; Spock quickly joined him.

“He doesn’t respect me,” James said.

“In his mind you have not done enough to earn it.”

“Saving Earth and the rest of the Federation isn’t enough?”

“An achievement made by luck and more talented crewmembers is the opinion of some.”

“Yours, Spock?”

“If I did not think you a capable commanding officer, if a bit…unorthodox, I would have no wish to serve under you.”

James smiled and touched him on the shoulder. Spock drew away from the contact and James frowned and put his hands behind his back. 

“We don’t have to be like them you know. You said it yourself, whatever our destines might have been have changed.”

“Those were my words, but it seems I have a reason now to wish it was not true.”

“What?”

“He has offspring. It was not a subject I had given great thought to before, but now…we have so few children and I find…his to be logical and restrained. Both fine representations of Vulcan culture.” 

They said no more and arrived at the proper cabin to find their counterparts at the desk with half-finished game of chess between them.

“Sorry to keep doing this, but we need you.”

***

“Ambassador Sarek.”

“Ambassador Selek, my apologies for disrupting your schedule, but an incident has occurred that you may be able to help contain.”

“I will give any assistance that I can of course.”

Sarek looked over to Jim who had wisely decided to remain silent until he knew just what was safe to discuss and with whom.

“You believe it necessary to have a personal guard?”

“He is my liaison and all personal issues with him will have to be discussed alone at a more appropriate time.”

“Of course.”

Sarek and Decker led them to the brig. 

“I don’t believe it would presumptuous to say that in your time hybrids are more common, Selek.”

“They are.”

“I thought as much, still, the captain has two prisoners aboard and there is a small, but perceivable chance that you would know their loyalties. If they can be integrated as you have it would be a great benefit to the colony, they are part Vulcan.”

Spock’s heart jumped at those words. He quickly pushed that excitement down. There was no evidence it was them. As he had told Sarek they were not the only Vulcan hybrids in existence in that time period. They also had neither reason to be here, nor reason to be near the anomaly in their own universe. He had his Jim, and his McCoy, that was more than enough. It was likely a research time sent to study the black hole and been trapped in it that was all. 

He approached the cell thinking that, after all that had already happened, nothing would surprise him anymore; and he was wrong.

“Father!”

Not taking his eyes off them he spoke to Decker.

“Release them.”

“Sir?”

“Do it.”

The barrier fell, they rushed to him, and he enveloped them in his arms.

“Selek, you, you did not tell me you have children.” Sarek said, something akin to pride and pleasure slipping into his voice

“It did not seem relevant,” he answered, letting go of his children. “…Leonard, Amanda. It fills my heart to see you here. I am at quite a loss to explain it however.”

“We traveled through the black hole to learn of you status,” Amanda said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “You are looking well.”

He was they on the other hand did not look well at all. They appeared tired and pale, possibly nothing; an effect of the journey to this universe, but still.

“Are you well?”

Their eyes focused on the floor.

“We are healthy enough given the circumstances,” Leonard said evenly.

“What are the circumstances?” Spock asked. They were too much like him. If one was too general they would consider a broken bone in their definition of being fine.

They looked up again to disclose the situation, and were stopped when they, at last, saw the man standing behind their father.

“I…I do so enjoy being right,” Leonard said, his joy palpable.

A man seen so often in images now stood before them; flesh and blood.

He recognized them, of course, he had asked Spock to show him more memories of them and so they were familiar. Still to see them before him now, he was not quite sure what to make of these two people that he had been told were his.

“Daddy.”

That broke the trance. Spock stepped back and Jim went over and hugged them.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but Jim kept a firm grip on them as they finally pulled back, expecting at any moment to have them dissolve into nothingness.

“Let me look at you!”

He could see everything at once in them. Features of Spock and him blended so wonderfully together. They were beautiful, they were perfect, they were…young.

Jim tilted his head in question. “I don’t mean to give offense, but shouldn’t you both be older?”

“A side effect of our calculations when traveling through the black hole. It compensated for the time displacement.” Amanda’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. “It would be wonderful opportunity to study it further.”

“Now wait just a minute no one’s going to be studying anything! I don’t care who you know. You two can’t just start wandering around here like you own the place.”

“I propose taking them to New Vulcan. It would place them under our jurisdiction as I’m sure Starfleet has other matters they wish to deal with. If no one has any objections,” Sarek offered.

Amanda and Leonard were thoughtful for a moment. “This undertaking was personal its consequences obviously will not be. You must do what you think is best,” they responded.

Decker looked at them and then to the ambassadors.

“If Kirk wants to be a captain by dealing with one insane man from the future he can deal with all of them.” 

With that they were free to go. Sarek went with them as, logically, the Enterprise could return him to New Vulcan just as easily as the Constellation. Personally he could not leave his family alone.

“Lieutenant Bell to Enterprise, five to beam aboard.”

Quickly they materialized in the other ship. Leonard and Amanda took in the sight of the two men standing near the transporter controls. The full impact of just what had happened making itself known.

“Potentially a new phenomenon in cosmological physics, a distortion of space and time that has linked two realities,” they said, their eyebrows arched. “Fascinating.”

Jim chuckled.

“Oh, they’re yours all right.”

While Spock acknowledged his father James stood there with his jaw on the floor for almost a full minute before his voice finally started working again. “Is everyone from your universe going to pop-up here!?”

“Highly unlikely, Captain,” Amanda responded, stepping down from the transporter.

“Indeed, I would calculate the odds at less than 1.889%.”

The younger Spock looked at the man, who could only be described as a black haired, ruffled, version of his captain the resemblance was so strong, with…with his eyes. “How do you arrive at such a conclusion, Mr…?”

“Captain Kirk. I did not suffer all those years at the Academy to be called anything else.”

Spock looked affronted. “I don’t believe I have committed any actions that deserve such disrespect.”

Leonard nodded sheepishly. “My apologies I have been under great physical and mental strain recently and I am lashing out unduly, sir.”

“You know it might be a good idea to have them go to sickbay and get checked out,” Jim said, his anxiety beginning to mingle with his husband’s over their bond. There was something wrong with their children. 

James sighed. “Fine, come on,” he said, and led the motley gang into the hallway.

“You have not answered my original question,” Spock said, as he fell in step with Leonard. “How can you be certain that others will not follow you?”

Both Leonard and his sister looked away from him and to their father.

“You have been presumed dead, and when communication with Starfleet is achieved the family will make it official…for all of us.”

“Why?” Spock Prime asked.

“It will be easier for Starfleet to deal with two legends that died in the line of duty than to file all the paperwork for a court martial.” 

“Court martial?” Jim asked.

“Our duty to the common good demanded action,” Leonard continued. “Still we knew the answer would be no if we asked Starfleet. We went anyway.” 

James smirked and turned to his Spock. “Logical and restrained huh?”

Spock was saved from having to answer by the yelling from the other side of the sickbay door.

“You can’t just do that! I’m the chief medical officer not you!”

“Sonny boy, I was out hopping galaxies in this tin-can when you weren’t even a glimmer in our father’s eye. I can work my sickbay blindfolded so don’t tell me how to do my job.”

“You aren’t staying! It’s not your anything-and get away from that! That’s my good brandy!”

The doctors’ argument came to an abrupt halt as the turned to see the group that had come into the room.

“Oh, shit!”

“An apt description of the situation,” Leonard said, as both eyebrows went to his hairline.

Both doctors grabbed a patient and the older McCoy looked over Leonard’s shoulder as Amanda stared at him.

“I apologize on behalf of my sister. She is rather enamoured with you. She went through three hard-cover copies of your book in her first year of med-school.”

Both McCoys looked stunned.

“I wrote a book?”

“The dang thing actually sold?!”

“It was a good book, and standard reading if I may remind you Leonard,” Amanda said, as she settled into the examination bed.

“Not over summer break it wasn’t,” he answered smugly.

The elder McCoy was sorry he’d asked and quietly went about watching the lights of the biobed flicker and listened to the alarms ring.

“Pulse: 242, blood pressure is practically non-existent.” He smiled down at his second namesake. “He’s a Vulcan all right.”

The younger McCoy looked over Amanda’s vitals. “Pressure and pulse are high but within human limits. You are mildly anaemic though.”

“I suffered severe blood loss while the leg wound was open. The numbers will reach optimum levels again with time and rest.”

“Do I dare to ask how you were injured?”

“We aided the evocation force of Romulus in our universe. In actuality we were the evocation force.”

Spock Prime looked stricken. “No! No one else was to be there. It was I who went. No one else need shoulder responsibility for my failure.”

“Failure?”

They got up and went over to him.

“Hey, I wasn’t finished!”

They searched his face with their eyes and put a hand on either one of his shoulder, concern for him evident in their every move.

“You are not a failure. Your actions have secured the future of so many in the galaxy, starting with the refugees from Romulus. Hundreds of thousands have been saved. We consider it an honour to serve that. Of course…there were sacrifices for that, Spock.”

Spock Prime was nothing short of devastated as he pulled his children fully against him; letting them bury their faces against his neck. For Jim it was, to coin a phrase, fascinating to watch him act as a dad. He was so comfortable with touch when it was theirs. While all he could do was stand there and feel guilty that he couldn’t even remember the names of his in-laws that they were all mourning. 

“I grieve with thee,” Jim said, and even to his own ears the words sounded hollow.

Having heard those new voices the older McCoy had grabbed a tricorder and was back to inspecting them from every angle.

“How long have you two been like this?”

“3.5 weeks,” Amanda answered.

McCoy muttered several unflattering words under his breath and Amanda let go of her father to look at him.

“Our minds were prepared to take on such a responsibility, Doctor, and so the side effects should remain minimized for sometime.”

“I’m going to administer Lexorin just to be on the safe side. This kind of stuff is unpredictable.”

His younger self raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Don’t ask,” he answered wearily, and headed for the medical supply cabinets.

Amanda watched carefully as he prepared the hypospray.

“Keep the dosage low we do not how we will reaction to such medication.”

As McCoy pressed the hypospray into their shoulders in turn Sarek watched them.

“You hold katras. The remaining elders can perform the ceremony much earlier than we have thought possible.”

“It should not be an event to look forward to,” Spock said solemnly.

“I agree.”

Amanda and Leonard looked at the alternate version of their grandfather.

“Why is it?” they asked.

Jim gestured back to the biobeds.

“You two might want to sit down for this. It seems we all have a lot to talk about.”


	8. Chapter 8

They stood in Leonard’s temporary quarters at Starfleet headquarters, staring at the screen in sombre silence as their father explained the situation.

“I will do everything I can to avert this coming disaster,” he said.

“Good luck.”

He nodded and held up his hand.

“Live long and prosper, my children.”

“Peace and long life, Father.”

The vidscreen went blank and Amanda turned to Leonard.

“It is a dangerous, almost suicidal, mission it is not right that he should do it alone,” she said.

“I agree, but you know, as well as I, that father will risk no one’s life but his own in this endeavour; it is his way.”

“Of course, but it is logical to have an alternative plan should this fail.”

“Indeed, and even if he is successful the environmental costs to Romulus will be enormous. They must be evacuated.”

“Agreed.”

They fell silent again, running their fingers across their mouths in trepidation. Regulations were going to be smashed to pieces for this. They quickly removed their comm badges so they could not be traced, and two more joined them on the table.

They looked up to see T’Par and Salak standing across from them.

“You don’t think we are going to let you ruin your careers alone do you?”

***

They needed a ship to perform the enormous task ahead of them, and thankfully one was available. Leonard stared out the space-dock window, seeing her resting all crisp and quiet. She had been brand new not even a decade ago. The crew that had manned her had a new one now. It had been necessary though. This had been a ship built for exploration, for families, for a Federation that had never heard of the Borg or the Dominion. He didn’t need a battleship for this mission though, he needed space; and Picard’s old girl had it in abundance.

A shuttlecraft was quickly secured and they got on board without detection. Then they quickly went to work preparing the ship for departure, with far less than a skeleton crew, but that didn’t mean they didn’t have any tricks up their sleeves.

As Salak worked on the engines Leonard got the rest of the crew in order, laying in course headings, and making sure they wouldn’t crash the ship into the spacedock doors.

_One last adventure for an old space dog_ , Leonard thought, walking around the bridge. Running his hand along the captain’s chair he sighed softly, before getting his act together and hitting the comm.

“Engineering...Salak, are we prepared?”

“Yes, sir, the automation system is fully set. Two raw cadets and a tribble could run her now.”

“Thank you, Salak, I’m sure we will all try not to take that as an insult. All hands prepare for departure.”

Shaking his head in amusement Leonard moved to the back of the bridge; coming to her station.

“Have I neglected something, Captain?” T’Par asked.

“Never, but I remind you that you don’t have to do this.”

“I have always been by your side before and I will do so as long as it is feasible. It is my duty, and my pleasure.”

He moved closer to her, pressing his chest against her back and letting his fingers brush against hers, before going back to the centre seat and sitting down at last.

The engines fired up and the Enterprise D headed for the spacedock doors.

They were halfway there when the comm system crackled and a woman’s voice filled the bridge.

“Enterprise you are ordered to stand down.”

Leonard quickly assumed authority.

“I’m afraid your message is breaking up, Admiral Janeway,” he said.

“Kirk, you do this and you’ll never sit in the captain’s chair again.”

Leonard resisted the urge to snort at that so called threat. When he had been a young man of thirty that kind of talk would have worried him, but well into his seventies now such words were hollow. No matter what Starfleet said in their PR campaigns, about letting you do the job for as long as you were capable, it didn’t change the fact that his last five missions had been little more than milk runs; away from the frontier, away from the battlefronts. Experience apparently counted for nothing in the brass’ eyes. They had been ‘encouraging’ him to retire. Still Leonard sat back in the chair wondering, just for a moment, if it was really worth it. Then he did snort, there was no real decision to be made. His career, what little was left of it now, for the lives of countless others, enemy or not, there could be no other logical choice.

He looked at the helmsman.

“Punch it.”

With that command the Enterprise D flew out the spacedock doors.

“Engage cloak.”

“Cloak engaged, Captain.”

“Ships in pursuit?”

“Scanning…All systems negative at this time,” T’Par responded.

Leonard nodded and moved the ship on course to Delta Vega.

***

As the Enterprise D assumed orbit over Delta Vega the bridge crew took a moment to admire the view. So many domes, containing so many different environments, all connected up in an ever growing community; on what had once been thought of as a giant floating ice ball in space.

Then Leonard and Amanda went down and met with the leader of the colony.

“Saavik.”

She walked briskly over to them, putting a hand on their shoulders.

“It has been too long you two. I’m sorry we could not meet under better circumstances.”

“Has father spoken with you?” Amanda asked.

“Yes, and he said he was returning to Vulcan to take a ship to help, but I was led to understand there was more planning for this event.”

“There was,” Leonard responded, “but it has happened earlier than predicted. He has gone to help, as you know, but we will bring everyone we can here as a precaution.”

“We will be ready to receive them.”

She hugged them then, smiling at those she called family.

“Good luck.”

***

As the smaller crafts continued runs to the planet as normal, the larger ships and the Enterprise D prepared to go as a convoy. Leonard poured over files of the volunteers, looking to see what could be taken off the automation system and what must remain on it. He looked up when Amanda came in, with her arms full, putting several supplies next to him. Leonard stared at the instruments.

“I’m a captain, not a doctor.”

Amanda scowled and tossed the medical belt into his arms.

“Now you’re a doctor. We will mind-meld on-route and I will teach you what I can.”

“Why?”

“Well, I could give you the logic of having at least two medically able personal in case we are separated, but in this case I’ll simply say that thanks to your need to be in that captain’s chair and ‘make a difference’ as you say, I out rank you, Mister! We do what I want.”

Leonard chuckled. “Very succinctly put, Admiral Kirk.”

“Thank you, Captain Kirk.”

***

As the convoy made its way to Romulus Amanda went to be with Salak. She found him in engineering of course, looking at the hastily made, but functional, cloaking device with pride.

“If we get back I must give my regards to Montgomery Scott,” he said, as she approached.

She wrapped her arms around him.

“You deserve credit for it too, Salak, and all the other improvements you made on such short notice,” she said, thinking back to the new EMH in sickbay.

Salak put one arm around her shoulders.

“You know I desire to spoil you, and it is logical to have as many medics as possible for the mission.”

“Of course.”

Amanda leaned her head against her husband.

“You have such a brilliant mind, my love.”

“My dear, are you saying you only love me for my mind?”

Amanda smiled and kissed him.

“I did not say only.”

***

The convey passed the neutral zone without detection, and then the hard work began. The smaller ships reached capacity quickly and left for Delta Vega in small groups. Until only the Enterprise and two cargo carriers were still in Romulus’ orbit beaming up anyone and everyone they could. All personal working franticly to find space, keep some semblance of peace, and keep the transporters working. The underground movement and their relatives had been beamed up first. That had gone well enough. Many had been aware that a problem was brewing and were ready to accept help from Starfleet and the Federation. Beaming people up at random though was bound to cause some difficulties.

Despite a less than enthusiastic reaction by many the brig, cabins, Ten Forward, and the holodeck were being stuffed full to bursting Romulans of every age, class, and lifestyle.

On the bridge tensions ran high as they monitored the changes in the space near them. The clock was ticking down. The latest report of the star came back and it wasn’t good.

“Energy readings are off the charts, Captain,” T’Par announced.

Leonard closed his eyes and then answered in grime realization.

“He isn’t going to make it.”

“Sir, Romulan warbirds on the approach from the planet!”

“They are searching for us,” T’Par said.

“Took them long enough,” Leonard said. “Evasive manoeuvres.”

The Enterprise moved through space, trying to avoid their attackers.

“Shields, Captain?”

“Negative we need to keep getting people on board, and she can handle a couple of shots from them.”

One warbird fired and the ship shuddered as they took the hit

“Damage report.”

“Port side is weakened but holding steady.”

“Do they know they hit us?”

“Unlikely, Captain, they have not changed formation.”

Several more shots were fired at empty space before one ship got lucky hit them again.

“They shorted out the cloaking device, sir!”

“How bad, Engineer?”

Salak’s voice came over the comm.

“I can have it back online in 12.4 minutes, without it will be fully visible in 2.68 minutes preciously. Ill start-”

“Negative, Salak. Transfer remaining power to the engines, keep them in top shape; and keep reserve power for the shields.”

The pilot turned to Leonard in shock.

“Sir, when the rest of the Romulans know where we are they will give chase immediately.”

“I know and that’s exactly what I want.”

“But why?”

“Because if they’re firing at us that means they are away from the planet. Keep transporting people aboard until the last possible second, then raise shields, and get us back to Federation space. All hands to battle stations, red alert!”

They followed his orders preciously as the clock ran down. Finally, when they knew that nothing more could be done, the Enterprise D and the two ships that still remained went to warp.

***

The star had gone nova and the effect was immediate.

“The cargo ship Alpha is hailing us, sir.

“Put it on audio.”

“Captain Kirk, a plasma conduit has overloaded! We cannot contain the breach! We need help! Our passengers must get to safety!”

“Prepare to beam them aboard.”

“Sir, they are shielded from our transporters. The shockwaves from the supernova are causing interference.”

Precious minutes slipped by as they worked, trying to find a way to break through the interference.

“Captain, someone has overridden the codes to access the shuttle bay.”

“What idiot…” but then Leonard trailed off in horror, he knew.

Not even checking her station to confirm it Leonard raced down to the shuttle bay to confront her.

***

He found her there, working controls, her blond hair flying freely and her skin shining with sweat.

“T’Par you can’t do this.”

She looked at him, her gaze steady. “It is the best solution and you know it. We must get them onboard and without the transporters we must use the shuttlecrafts.”

“Then I will send someone else.”

“The best pilot is already trying to get this ship back to Delta Vega with the same amount of bulkheads we started with. The energy field out there will be fatal and we cannot afford to send personal out there as cannon fodder. Due to my physiology I have a chance to rescue several groups before succumbing to the inevitable radiation.”

“Then let me check the roister see if there are others capable of doing this.”

She stepped away from the controls.

“All right.”

He turned away to check the computer and T’Par leapt into action. Her hand pushed firmly against the side of his neck. Leonard felt his body stiffen but his mind remain fully alert. T’Par yanked them towards the panel, palming the large button that began the countdown to depressurize the hanger. He would have no time to stop her now.

“Cheater,” he rasped.

With a twinkle in her eye she placed her other hand to his face. “I learned from the best, Captain. Remember.”

She turned him towards her, letting his body regain movement, and kissed him goodbye. Their hands were slow and lingering, their mouths hot and fast. Then she broke away and went into the shuttle; and he quickly cleared out of the hanger and let her go.

Meanwhile, other lives were also going to hell.

Salak had been pulled from engineering to fix one of the transporters and then the desperate call came from the other cargo ship. Some of the passengers had panicked and tried to take over the ship, only succeeding in damaging the vessel. The people were now trapped in what they would only describe as a raging inferno.

“There are hundreds lives on that ship, most of then women and children, Amanda.”

“Surly you could work the transporters from here.”

“Our transporters would never be able to lock onto them in this kind of disarray, I’ve barely got this one room working despite the interference from the nova, and they’re already in a full blown panic over there.”

Salak squeezed her shoulder firmly.

“I have to go and help them, you know this.”

She grabbed his shirt and kissed him firmly.

“I’ll be monitoring you,” she said softly, as she pulled back.

“Will you do something else for me?”

“Anything.”

Like quick silver his hand reached for the side of her face.

“Remember.”

***

Salak had gone over and the civilians and crew were beamed over as fast as the transporter could work. Amanda remained at the station on the Enterprise to make sure her side kept working, and to check for causalities.

“How many left?” Amanda asked, as she helped work the controls, sweat pouring off of her from heat that belonged to the other ship.

“Four.”

There were still five working pads on her side and she knew immediately that he had not balanced the remaining power to include himself.

“Salak! You-you mustn’t leave me!”

“The fire has damaged the controls, it must be done manually, my ashaya.”

He coughed as smoke continued filling the ship before falling silent as he beamed the last group aboard.

On the Enterprise the transporter controls sparked. “I love you!” Amanda cried as her body slumped forward. She felt the flames course over her body, they heated the air, and then just as suddenly it stopped, and the air filled with static.

Amanda gripped the edges of the transporter console, bending the metal beneath her grip.

“Is anyone injured?” she finally asked.

Silence filled the room.

“I repeat, is anyone injured?!”

There was a shout and a woman came through the crowd clutching her swollen stomach; clearly in the last stage of pregnancy.

Another Romulan broke through the crowd as well and struck her across the cheek.

“You show of weakness to an outsider is shameful!”

Amanda grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the woman.

“You keep your hands to yourself or I’ll give you something to yell about!”

Amanda turned to woman, who had tears running down her cheeks.

“My husband-my husband wasn’t on the ship. He’s supposed to be here!”

Amanda slipped one arm around her shoulders and held her gently.

“Everything is going to be all right, trust me.” She turned her head to two nearby Romulans. You and you with me! Everyone else, try and make yourselves useful.”

***

The sickbay was flooded with people. In one corner the curtains were drawn in what was a mocking attempt at privacy as Amanda worked to bring a life affirming situation to the den of misery.

“One more push, come on now.”

The woman did and the baby was out. The cord was cut and the afterbirth cleaned up. Amanda fought back tears while placing the child in her mother’s arms. Then she sat back, wiping the sweat off her face, and a voice called out in her mind.

_Amanda...the shuttle is coming back._

_I’ll be with you._

She made it there in time to see the shuttle skid into the far wall of the bay. Leaving the passengers to her team she went in with Leonard.

T’Par was still in the pilot’s seat and when she saw them she tried to get up, and slumped to the floor. Leonard looked at Amanda, and her heart broke at the hope that still lingered there; wanting her to overturn what even his fledging medical knowledge was clearly telling him.

“She can be made comfortable, nothing more.”

Leonard went over and gathered his wife into his arms. Amanda closed the shuttle door, allowing them privacy. Then Amanda went over herself and held her hand.

“It was logical,” T’Par said evenly.

“That is not going to make it hurt any less,” Leonard said, kissing every unblemished piece of skin that he could find.

“It...will in time.”

“I love you, T’Par.”

“And I you.”

T’Par raised her free hand and let her fingers touch his.

“Live long and prosper…oh, promise me you will, Leonard.”

“I promise.”

Leonard held her tight as life left her.

When it was all over Amanda opened the door and the medics came in. Leonard let them take the body as Amanda helped him to the shuttle bay door. He was needed on the bridge.

They stood strong in the turbolift, Side by side as they had done for many years. Still, their mental shields were strengthened. By keeping the link open with one katra they had been tempting fate enough. Two was to invite disaster. Touch was still permitted for some time yet though so Amanda inspected her brother. Leonard flinched as her hand moved over his side.

“Those ribs are cracked.”

“I know, it was one of passengers’ way of saying thanks. I think she was a bouncer in a nightclub.”

“I’d liked to look at them in sickbay.”

“I know but you already have it at standing room only in there. And since I am still standing that’s makes this wound superficial, so there is little to be done at the moment.”

Amanda sighed. “I know...just don’t make them worse.”

***

The alarms blared and the lights flickered as the Enterprise D still raced across the vastness of space, trying to outrun something you couldn’t outrun. Energy waves coming from the supernova tossed the ship through the darkness.

“The deflectors are offline, sir!”

Leonard stiffened in the captain’s chair

“How soon can you get them back online?!”

“We’re maxed out trying to keep the engines going!”

“I need that repaired or none of us are going to make it, Mr Kyle! Engines or no engines!”

Amanda had been treating an injury on the bridge and suddenly felt her body stiffen and her mind ripple, as if see was seeing things from under water. Under control that was not her own Amanda made her way to area for the needed repairs.

_Why does everything important on this ship have to be in such a stupid spot!?_ She thought in frustration as she twisted her tired body in the small tube reconnecting wires at a frantic pace. Half a dozen connections later the proper lights came back on.

_We did it!_

The ship jolted once again and she lost her grip and fell the length of the tube. She heard the crack as the leg bone shattered on impact with the ground, and she cried out in agony as the bone tore through her skin. The sent of copper filled the air as blood flowed out of the damaged artery.

***

Leonard screamed in pain and fell out of the captain’s chair. His hands immediately went to check the wound only to see that there wasn’t one. No blood, no heat from torn muscles. It was a phantom pain, not his own. Without a moment’s hesitation his shields dropped and his mind reached out for hers. As a voice from a lifetime ago, speaking to someone else, rang in his ears.

_You’d better get down here…better hurry._

“Take the conn!” he yelled to no one in particular, and made for the turbolift.

Focusing on the bright spot in the chaos he made for her location. Suddenly the ship shuddered again as the gravitational waves slammed into them. Leonard hit the nearest bulkhead and a menacing fire of pain filled him as the now broken rib twisted inwards and pierced through his right lung. He coughed hard and tasted blood.

Using years of mental training he forced himself to keep moving. Finally, at the end of the hallway, he found her. Sprawled on the floor just outside the jeffries tube, the pool of green beneath her growing by the second. She looked at him.

“Put pressure…on it.”

He nodded, grabbing a pressure backing from his medical belt, and pressed his hands hard against the wound. His own body started to spasm and more blood dripped off his chin

“Keep your-your breathing slow and shallow. Don’t…make it worse.”

“Don’t care…about me.”

“Then do it for her. I can’t-can’t get everybody to Mount Selya myself.”

Leonard nodded and tried to regain control. “It might be in vain…this whole ship is on the edge of that nova. If we cannot maintain a safe distance we will-” he was cut off as the view outside showed the wall of energy as it suddenly swirled and vanished into a newly created gravity well.

“Father.”

Leonard actually managed a smile. “Think he’ll ever-ever stop saving our asses?”

“No.”

With that pronouncement the rest of the medical team finally arrived.

“Commander.”

“Sir?”

“Start processing the refugees and getting together any families you can, stand-down from red-alert, and begin all needed repairs,” Leonard said firmly, and then toppled over as the sedative kicked in and the world went blissfully dark and silent.


	9. Chapter 9

Leonard tried to stay focused by glaring holes in the floor. “We had nearly half a century together. We’ve raised children, had careers, we were growing old together. It should be enough,” his breathing was shaky and he closed his eyes. “Why isn’t it enough?”

The elder McCoy put his hand on Leonard’s shoulder. “Because you loved her.”

“I know. But she was younger, fully Vulcan, with all the longevity that that implies; and I...and I was always prepared to go first!”

Amanda looked at her brother, longing to reach out to him, as they had always done, but now it could not be.

“It is so empty,” she said. “A mind that has been linked to mine since the womb; and now I do not dare to give him even physical touch.”

Spock Prime felt his heart clench in his side. His children were hurting so, and their control was a few simple words away from shattering completely.

“It’s my fault!” Leonard declared.

“You can’t take on the responsibility of other people’s choices,” Sarek said.

“They were my crew, that makes it my fault!”

“I would suggest that both of you seek meditation,” Spock Prime said, stepping forward, trying to defuse the situation quickly.

The younger Spock stepped forward as well.

“I offer my quarters for your use.”

They looked at them in defiance for a few moments, before finally nodding in defeat.

“Thank you.”

***

The were left alone in the younger Spock’s quarters. Hours slipped by as Amanda and Leonard searched for that elusive calm centre. When it had finally been reached they both turned away from the flames of the fire-pot to look at each other, not bothering to hide the drying tears.

“You know,” Leonard began, “when you and Salak first got together I took it worse than father did. You and I had made such a great team on the ship. Then you were suddenly talking about taking time off to travel with him, maybe start a family. I thought that if you were married it would change all that you and I had been; that he was going to take you away from the great life we had.”

Leonard turned away, running one hand over his face.

“Stupid thoughts to be having in your thirties really.”

Amanda looked at him, amusement glittering in her eyes.

“Well, we both know that I inherited all the intelligence in the family.”

Leonard gave her a lopsided grin. “And none of the humility,” he said, and then sighed. “It feels that way now, you know. That I shouldn’t go on when she leaves me. That I don’t have the right to build anything beyond what we had for so long, even though they both wish us to do so.”

Amanda nodded solemnly, letting her fingers curl around the gold chain that stood as a reminder of everlasting love.

“Still we know it can be done; and that much joy can be found afterwards, father has shown us that,” she said, letting her mind focus around that small bright spot that had been ignored for so many years. “And he has found his t’hy’la again.”

“Lucky bastard.”

“Indeed, Len, as are we to know him now too.”

Leonard nodded, it had been a long held dream of theirs and he should not squander it; even in the throws of grief.

Before they could continue their father’s younger self came in.

“My apologies if I am interrupting. I am here to inform you that Ambassador Sarek has talked with the Vulcan council. Our elders have agreed to perform the ceremony as soon as possible on New Vulcan.”

“We thank you.”

Spock looked at them, reminding himself that they were not truly his, but he still desired to help further.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

Leonard lock eyes with him. “No, you have already been more than generous.”

“But I wish you to know that I grieve with you.”

They nodded, reminding themselves of what they had been told about this new universe. He had lost much as well. “And with you,” they responded in flawless Vulcan, letting him know that his culture still lived on.

***

Spock knelt in meditation as Jim and McCoy watched him, while sitting on a bench a few feet away in the observation lounge.

“I’m worried about him, Bones. He’s bottling everything up.”

“I know, but this is what he’s always done, and obviously he’s not going to change now.”

Jim nodded. Spock was stubborn in his desire to keep his despair to himself, and Vulcan stubbornness was probably the one thing human stubbornness couldn’t fix.

“How are you holding up though, Jim?” McCoy asked. “This is a lot to dump on a guy in two days.”

“I haven’t fainted in shock yet, so I’m taking that as a good sign. What about you? I’m not the only one who’s had his life turned upside down by this.”

McCoy ran one hand through his hair. “I’ve got you and Spock and I’m not focusing on anyone else right now; or I think I’ll go mad from the absurdity of it all.”

Jim smiled. “That and focusing on bugging your counterpart of course.”

McCoy smirked. “One of the perks of being old is getting to complain about the kids today, and I’m going to happily take advantage of it with that boy in sickbay. Oh, how marvellous that is, Jim really,” he said sarcastically. “He’s thirty and they’re letting him run a medical facility...well at least he still has Christine to keep him in line.”

Jim put a comforting hand on his friend’s arm. “Bones, I-”

McCoy glared at him. “You and Spock no one else, remember?”

Jim looked into his eyes and kept his gaze steady. McCoy eventually sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Look if you’re asking if I told him anything the answer’s no. But I won’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind...but Spock’s right so much is different here, would it even matter if I told him? He already doesn’t have Joanna. Who I am to play God and tell him about a night years from now that was such an event in my life, and probably won’t even bear the slightest resemblance to where he’ll be at that same point?”

“It might help to know that he might be able to have something that you didn’t you know. Honestly I think my counterpart is jealous of me. Thinks I had an easier time of it.” Jim snorted. “Well, I don’t think the words Tarsus IV mean anything to him. And he isn’t the one who nearly threw his career away, and missed his children’s lives, twice now.”

McCoy looked over Jim’s shoulder.

“Speaking of them.”

Jim turned to look behind him, and saw them waiting by the door.

“We need to speak to you.”

The others were speaking through them again and Jim couldn’t hold back a shudder. When McCoy had held Spock’s katra it had been really unsettling, but this was just plain creepy. They were so calm, so controlled, as if this was natural for them. Jim reminded himself that it probably was.

“I’ll leave you...five to get acquainted,” McCoy said, and left the room.

Jim got up from the bench, with a quick glance to Spock who didn’t appear to have noticed the visitors, and went towards them.

“It is an honour, Captain Kirk,” T’Par said.

Jim nodded slowly.

“What can I do for you?” he asked.

“You must speak with your bondmate. He takes in far more than is his due in these circumstances.”

“Spock is a caring individual and has valued you highly. He will listen to you,” Salak said.

“Why can’t you-they tell him all this? He’s known them longer.”

“His logic…falters in their presence, and ours as well for he accepted us as he own.”

Jim couldn’t hide a smile at those words. It was true, he knew how much Spock loved them. They weren’t his little ones for nothing, and of course that would extend to the in-laws.

“What can I say?” Jim asked.

“You must make him understand that our deaths were for the greater good. That all of us would have gone, even if he had not.”

“That does not change the events as they stand,” came a voice from behind Jim.

Jim turned to see that Spock had finished meditating, and was looking at their little group with blank eyes.

“The facts as they stand is that you did go because I told you. I have cost you, both of you, all that you cherish.”

They went over to their father, all three of them locking their eyes together. So much was being said without words as Spock reached up to stroke hair that no longer held any grey. His children were no more than thirty now, to all outside appearances. They had their lives essentially to live over again, they shouldn’t have to do it alone. 

Jim watched them and wondered if this was how Spock felt after the re-fusion. That everyone knew more than he did and that he was intruding on something special, and secret, just by standing there.

“You can’t take that burden, Father, it wasn’t your fault,” Leonard said, his voice warped slightly as he took back full control of his body.

“I was the one who informed you of the crisis,” Spock stated again.

“There stands a 80.6% possibility that we would have discovered it through other channels. You went to Vulcan to obtain your ship, and much of our family is stationed there,” Amanda said.

“You do not think that makes me feel better do you? And, Leonard, you’re reassurances border on being hypocritical. You cannot tell me I share no blame when you take that burden as well; the responsibilities of others lives.” Spock’s eyes flickered over to Jim. “It is what both of you do.”

Jim went over to his husband, squeezing Spock’s hand tightly.

“Captains of ships make that choice, ambassadors don’t, not directly anyway. And all Starfleet personnel know they may have to make the ultimate sacrifice for others, you did once Spock, don’t forget that,” Jim said. “And no matter how much it hurts all of us it was for the best. Sometimes we have to do what’s needed, regardless of the personal cost. It was true when I had to learn that during the Klingon peace conference. Our galaxy is changing back there, thanks to their noble actions, peace could be at hand. Just as it was then.”

“I find it strange really that that event with the Klingons should have so many parallels to this one,” Spock said.

Jim put his hands on Spock’s shoulders.

“I said it then and I’ll say it now, you are responsible for no one’s actions but your own.”

Spock pulled him close, leaning his head down to kiss him.

“Jim,” he spoke softly.

Jim held Spock’s arms and looked into his eyes, his own sparkling with mirth.

“Please, Spock, not in front of the children.”


	10. Chapter 10

New Vulcan had a breeze. That was the errant thought that ran through Jim’s mind as he and the others stood in the newly constructed temple. Jim cast his eyes around, thinking back to the he last time he had been at Mount Selya. The stones here weren’t weathered smooth like those had been. The crowd here was smaller, younger. It was all so different now, could that history that he had felt so clearly in his own time still have a place here? 

At that moment the priestess entered and swift stillness came over everything. Jim felt his breath catch as her regal stature commanded respect and reverence. Right then Jim knew that their ancient culture had been preserved after all.

His son and daughter stepped forward and the priestess spoke to them.

“Leonard Scott Kirk, Amanda Nyota Kirk. Children of Spock, children of Sarek. What is it you wish of us?”

“Priestess T’Lar, we carry the katras of those who were our bonded mates,” Leonard said, his voice strong and sure.

Amanda continued. “They have made it know that they wish to join those in the Hall of Ancient thought. So that all that they were, all that they knew may be known to others.” 

“Very well. It is with your consent that they will live on here.”

_Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there I did not die._ Jim recited the old poem in his mind.

T’Lar reached up and placed her hands to their heads. Spock reached over and squeezed Jim’s hand, and Jim squeezed tightly back.

***

He was allowed to approach this time as the ritual finished. To watch as they fell to their knees and their hands clasped each other’s. Reaching for a connection that only they seemed to share.

Spock looked at them with grave eyes. Wanting so much, as their father, to make things right for them, and knowing that even he could not do so. Only time, and the proper use of it, would achieve that. 

Spock turned his attention to Jim.

“I must go with the others. Watch over them, Jim?”

“Of course.”

As the congregation left Jim stayed with his children. Ignoring the protests of his knees he crouched down with them.

They easily sensed his presence and opened their eyes.

“Dad.”

“What can I do?” he asked earnestly. “How can I help?”

They turned away from each other, looking at him with pleading eyes.

“Hold me.”

The leaned on him. Their hands reached for his face, spreading their fingers on the familiar meld points, Jim closed his eyes and let himself fall into their world.

When he opened his eyes again he found himself standing in front of a house that looked like it was built for a children’s storybook. The roof looked like the top of an Excelsior class starship. The porch that belonged to his old family was attached to one wall. The walls were two separate colours scattered in a patchy fashion, and the front door looked it belonged to sickbay. As he entered the house he saw that it was even more of a conglomerate on the inside. He recognized the window that had been part of his and Spock’s home in San Francisco. Walls that were the logical choice of all homes on Vulcan, but unknown styles of rugs covered the floor, as long sleek angles and black granite made up the kitchen.

Leonard and Amanda sat at the counter resting the heads in their hands.

“I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t change anything, but I am all the same.”

“Thank you.”

He went up to them, putting one hand on their shoulders and squeezing tightly. “They’ll always be with you know.”

“We know,” Leonard said, gesturing to the opposite wall.

Jim looked at the back of the living room to see rows and rows of photographs. He recognized some of the people in them, but many faces he didn’t. Sarek was with his wife Amanda in some shots, but others showed him with a woman with blonde hair. Another woman with her blonde hair in tight curls stood beside an older looking Savvik. He saw Spock at the wedding of another Vulcan man Jim didn’t know. He looked a lot like Spock though, expect for the bright red hair, Jim thought as he picked one of the photos up to look at him better; and noticed Amanda and Salak swaying across the floor in the background.

“You dance?” he asked Amanda.

“One of my favourite hobbies,” she answered, coming to stand next to him.

“Strange...well I-I mean it’s not something that comes to mind when one thinks of a Vulcan.”

Amanda nodded in agreement.

“Salak, was a brilliant man, but in private he was-”

“He was a dork,” Leonard finished.

Amanda smiled sadly, moving her hand over pictures of her own wedding day.

“Yes, but he was my dork.”

Jim knew the pain they felt only too well. They had promised to take the journey of life together, and now that journey had ended. Unlike him though there wouldn’t be a way of bringing anyone back from the dead. 

Jim reached up one hand and twisted his fingers around the gold string that still connected him to his beloved. That bond looped around Leonard and Amanda too and continued out beyond the walls of the house. Between his son and daughter was another bond, in a style Jim had never seen before. There were two strands intertwined like a long braid. It connected them at the waist and it stretched between them as they moved around the room. 

At last he focused on the two strands that were withering on the floor, searching for a connection that wasn’t there anymore.

Needing some space he wandered outside to the backyard. He wandered off the porch to see a pile of wood and a chopping stump. Behind it was what looked like a large black rock. Jim approached it and as he got closer noticed that tiny areas were glowing bright red. He was reminded of the mother Horta from so very long ago.

“What is it?” he asked, as they came out and stood next to him.

“That is your bond with us,” Amanda said.

Jim’s mouth fell open in shock. “But-but how? I’m not telepathic…I shouldn’t have…anything.”

“You touched father while he carried us did you not?” Leonard asked.

Jim thought back. He certainly had, and the bond had been open, freely flowing, between them. Their minds had always been seeking each other since Genesis, and they had not fought that urge. Jim looked at the glowing rock. It could have formed on its own. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time he and Spock had done something like that.

“We had never recognized it for what it truly was, until now,” Amanda explained. “We believed it to be a fragment from your bond with father, and our longing for something that would never be.”

“We should have know better,” Leonard said, and put one arm around his dad. “Only my old man would have the guts to tell death to go to hell.”

Jim turned his head, staring at his son’s arm.

“You two...you are so accepting,” he said. “You have always been without me and I thought that now, with you both grown and with families of your own, that you wouldn’t need me...wouldn’t want me.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “We have worked hard to know your memory when we were young, and we have expressed joy at being with you now. With such facts in evidence that is an illogical line of reasoning.”

Jim snorted. “You two are going to get a lot of that from me.”

Leonard smiled. “We look forward to it.”

He and Amanda reached there hands towards the warm mass in front of them.

“May we?”

“Please.”

With that they pressed their hands fully against it. The rock shimmered for a moment and then exploded into a brilliant flash of light. As the light faded and Jim watched as a new silver strand settled next to the original gold one around his neck. It stretched out to them and for first he knew his children completely. Jim felt the pain at their loss and the joy of what they had gained, and he was complete.


	11. Chapter 11

Six men stood near the elder’s Spock’s home in the fading light of Vulcan’s sun.

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I took the one less travelled by,” Jim recited.

“Robert Frost.” Spock easily supplied the author.

That caused McCoy to raise an eyebrow. “You know that?”

“I am well versed in Earth classics, Doctor.”

“Classics right, you probably don’t even know Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

The younger McCoy had no idea why that statement had his older in such hysterics that he leaned against the older Spock to hold himself up right.

“Well, on that note we wish you well.”

He got McCoy standing on his own two feet again and then he split his fingers in the traditional greeting to the three younger men, and Spock nodded responded in kind. Then the three of them disappeared in a shimmer of white.

McCoy looked up to the sky.

“Oh, to be young...and stupid.”

Jim smiled and put his hands on Spock and McCoy’s shoulders.

“They’ll be all right. Now, come on you two we’ve got own lives to start building.”

***

As the Enterprise headed to its next mission Spock stood on the observation deck, processing all that had occurred in the last several days. To be so close to something that might have been had Nero never come to their universe. To see the results of a relationship that had never existed here as flesh and blood people; it was initially, as Jim had colloquially phrased it, creepy.

Spock was shook out of his musing as the door swished open to admit Uhura. She came over and stood beside him.

“Spock.”

“Lieutenant.”

They had kept their counterparts and their subsequent children a secret from the crew, so naturally everyone knew about it by the time the returned from New Vulcan.

Uhura made no comment on it, but Spock noted that she appeared somber as she looked down at the ground rather than the view.

“You are troubled?” he asked.

She nodded. “I feel stupid about it you know. I mean you and I aren’t even together anymore. It’s just...the way the older you talks about the captain, looks at him. I’ve never seen such devotion. It just makes me wonder about his Uhura, their relationship. It shouldn’t bother me really, but it does. I worry that whatever they had wasn’t meaningful in comparison.”

Spock contemplated that for a long moment.

“I cannot speak to the relationship or lack there of between our counter-parts. However, Vulcans take the designation of children quite seriously, and her middle name is Nyota.”

Uhura looked at him with wide eyes as she took in his announcement. Then she started smiling and yet fighting back tears. 

“Thank you.”

With that Uhura turned and rushed out the door. Spock raised an eyebrow and turned back to the stars. He didn’t think he was ever going to understand the way human emotions worked.

And yet...it still disturbed him to know that in another place and time he had. That there had been great consequences from that.

Spock’s eyes dropped and hands clenched around the railing as he thought about those people who, in another world were his son and daughter. There were so…different from what he imagined they would be. The memories he had been shown of them were mostly when they were young. So he had believed that their personalities that he had observed when they had arrived were merely a cover. An emotional display meant to distract. To see them on Vulcan though, fully in control and aware of the rituals, and thus their Vulcan heritage, he knew that it was not a front, that was who they really were, it was what they were comfortable with. They knew of their Vulcan blood and also accepted the expression of emotion that came from their human side. Spock wondered if he would have been like that, had the human Vulcan divide in his childhood not been nearly so harsh.

He rather liked the idea of that, of them, he had to admit.

Spock focused and on the floor below him, spotting Jim sitting at a table with Doctor McCoy. He was laughing at something the doctor he said. While Spock still didn’t see him as a potential partner perhaps in a few years time he might consider Jim again. There were always possibilities after all.

***

“What kind of question is that!?”

“I believe it was a properly phrased one, Jim,” Spock answered calmly.

“Repeat it.”

“I merely asked if you wished to have more children.”

Jim sat down heavily into a chair across from him at the table and took Spock’s hand.

“Have…have they asked you?”

Spock shook his head. “Not directly, but I have been informed that Amanda, due to her age, and Leonard, as he still cycles, have been approached with the idea that it would be logical to perhaps seek new mates.”

“How’d they take that?”

“Their responses involved…several colourful metaphors.”

Jim chuckled. “I’ll bet.”

Jim looked Spock in the eye, his tone turning serious again.

“Spock, do you really mean that? About us having more children?”

He nodded. “As I noted before I am still fertile. If you wish to try again we can.”

Spock reached over the table and put his other hand over Jim’s.

“You are a good father, Jim, I would not wish to deprive you of the chance to engage in that role fully.”

Jim looked around at their house, as he thought about Spock’s words. Most of the homes on the Vulcan colony had been built in a cookie cutter style, three rooms each, not including the master bedroom, that were expected to be filled.

Well, they were filled at the moment, but Leonard and Amanda weren’t going to stay with them forever, in a world where they were fifty years ahead of everything. Bones would probably stick around, and they had plans to make an office, but that in theory would still leave one free room.

He began thinking about what it would be like to hear little feet in this house, but... 

He would always love Spock, no matter how time changed him physically. Even if he was still sharp as a tack he was old. There could be any number of complications at that age, a million things could go wrong. He couldn’t risk losing Spock again just for that.

He said as much and they agreed to disagree on the subject. In the end it turned out to be a rather pointless argument though. A week later a report came back that on the colony of Hellguard the young, the old, and the dying had been discovered.

Spock was summoned to discuss it and Jim went with him. The Vulcan in charge of that mission explained that most of the refugees could be brought to the colony to live. All except one.

“She is half-Romulan,” he stated.

Spock knew the problem in an instant: a prejudice. She was the child of the enemy. It was something he hoped he could heal, that the Vulcans and Romulans could find common ground again given time, but right now a young girl’s future was at stake.

“She can’t be placed.”

Without a moment’s hesitation Jim stood up and announced. “We'll take her.”

“But, sir-”

Jim turned a steely gaze on the Vulcan, daring him to question it.

The man folded.

“As you wish.”

***

Savvik was released into their care shortly after that meeting. She had been injured on the colony and had been in the hospital receiving treatment, but no visitors. Being touched starved she clung to Jim as he carried her over the threshold, half-asleep in his arms and McCoy ran his tricorder over her the moment they got through the door.

“Bones, they gave her a clean bill of health.”

“I know, I know I just want to be sure that’s all.”

“Well I’m sure that she needs a nap.”

McCoy smiled. “Perfect because the kids have a surprise for you.”

He beckoned them to one of the back bedrooms and they came in to see the room filled with new baby furniture and a beautiful mural painted on the ceiling.

“When did you two do all this?” Spock asked.

Amanda shrugged. “We have abundant time at the moment.”

“And we wanted to have a present for our little sister, and besides painting ceilings at your age isn’t good for your back,” Leonard said.

“What do you think, Savvik?” Jim asked.

Through half-lidded eyes she glanced around the room.

“Dada,” she said at last and cuddled back into his chest.

“I believe she finds the arrangement acceptable, Jim,” Spock said.

Jim smiled.

“So, do I.”

***

Life began to take on an easy rhythm after that, or as easy one could expect when Jim Kirk was involved. Spock worked to build up the colony. Leonard began to help the supply ships. Jim worked to help both of them and be the home front support for Savvik.

Today though he was going to a café close to the clinic where McCoy and Amanda worked. He needed advice.

McCoy glared at his friend as they sat across a small table by the window.

“Jim, I don’t know what you have to be upset about. You have a family, you have Spock; and me, and a chance to make a difference in the galaxy; and that’s a hell of a lot more than most people!”

Jim nodded while keeping an eye on Savvik, who appeared to be content building a precariously leaning tower out of bright coloured blocks on the table.

“I know, Bones, I know I shouldn’t be so worked up about this, but well…well you tell me what the hell you get a person for their 103 wedding anniversary!?”

The End


End file.
